moderndaystoryteller

Archive for 2009

Peeling The Onion

In NaNoWriMo, The Write Stuff on December 11, 2009 at 1:32 am

http://www.wli.com.au/Blog/uploaded_images/OnionLayers-765309.jpg

Note: This post is dedicated to my writing & Twitter buddies – Brittany Langrebe (@lights_aurora), Penny Ash (@PennyAsh) and Jeanne Bowerman (@jeannevb). Keep peeling ladies and good luck with that seasoning!

I’d like to say that upon successful completion of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) – 50,000 words in 30 days, felt invincible and on top of the world in days to follow.

But that would be a lie.

Once the inertia of winning had worn off, finishing NaNo was an anti-climax.

A feeling of What Now? Combined with mental and emotional exhaustion. Tinged with the frustration of a novel that regardless of recent accomplishments, lay glaringly incomplete.

Decided while momentum remained and could still recall character names, would finish the damn thing even it killed me!

And so am proud to announce that yesterday saw the completion of my first full-length novel – Yay!

At 75K. Well, 75,365 words to be exact – but who’s counting?

First draft done.

Second draft next. Ugh. Rewrites.

As if reading my mind, Brittany voiced the same trepidation today.

Funnily enough, whilst psyching her back into it, with the help of Penny and Jeanne, managed to remind self that re-writing or the thought of it need not be daunting. And depending on how it is perceived, can be an exhilarating process.

Yesterday, upon completion of the novel, felt shell-shocked.

Not only had I knocked off the monster, it had turned into something quite unexpected.

What had started out as a Bridget Jones-type diary of a single mum, turned into a black comedy about domestic violence, which in the last chapter became a woman’s quest for freedom from herself and on the very last page, morphed into a twisted love story.

All very complicated and insane and shall not delve into further detail except to say that it left me exceedingly thrilled.

The anticipation of rewrites at that moment presented itself to me as an onion. (An image which swiftly escaped me but once again returned upon Brittany’s call for help.)

Had pictured myself peeling that onion, layer after layer for months to come, discovering something new, all the while inching to the core of the story.

There are many who describe writing and other art forms as a journey of self-expression.

I find it to be a journey of self-realization.

With every rewrite, a series of discoveries about self and the voiceless souls we represent in our quest to get to the heart of the story.

I look forward to this process and hope to keep an open mind as I sift through those often painful and tear-inducing layers.

But in the company of writers the likes of Brittany, Penny and Jeanne, go forth with the sound knowledge I am not alone.

And The Award Goes To… (Part II)

In Networking & Social Media, The Write Stuff on December 6, 2009 at 2:50 am

So. I figure since I got this twice, I shall give it out twice – ha!

First, another shout out to these two talented and entertaining bloggers who are responsible for this outpouring of love:

jmartinlibrarian.wordpress.com

I have been visiting Jenny’s blog for a long time. Not only is it excellently witty, it’s also filled with irresistible recipes that are ingeniously linked to every post.

fashionautopsy.blogspot.com and theuneasywriterdiaries.blogspot.com

Sheri has two blogs, both wonderful in their own way. Fashion Autopsy is great for hilarious highlights of the latest runway triumphs or tragedies. And The Uneasy Writer Diaries is a good read for anyone who doesn’t suffer fools lightly.

The first round went to blogs beyond.

And so the second round shall go to blogs closer to home, which I visit and comment on regularly, and to writers or film folk who continue to inspire and motivate.

They are:

1. Purely Carrie – purelycarrie.wordpress.com

A kind and most friendly soul is Carrie. I have been visiting her blog since its conception – in all its various forms. Her posts are short, sweet and always told in a voice that is uniquely and purely Carrie’s.

2. Ramblings Of An Insecureaholic – jeanneveillettebowerman.blogspot…

The force of nature behind this is Jeanne V. Bowerman whose blog serves as a reflection of the generous, warm and energetic soul that she is. Her posts bubble with sincerity and an astute sense of humor that stands unparalleled.

3. King Is A Fink – kingisafink.com

Jess and Julie’s new and refurbished blog kicks ass. Their short films are kooky and twisted. Their posts about their journey from one screening or film festival to another, are filled with entertaining accounts and funny pictures. Watch out for these girls. Cuz they’re coming to a theater you!

4. Winter Write – winterwrite.com

Winter Write is a reader’s paradise. Sharla is an avid reader and editor with a deep passion for books. Her reviews are down to earth and filled with a love for the written word that is unrivaled.

4. Words of A Writer – thewordsofawriter.blogspot.com

Brittany Langrebe is one of the most inspiring bloggers I have had the pleasure to read. Her writing advice is practical, honest and avoids condescension at all costs.

5. Movie Geeks United – blogtalkradio.com/moviegeeksunited

Jerry Dennis is one of the hosts on this blog talk radio show which is a must-listen-to for anyone remotely interested in film. Twice a week, Jerry and his co-hosts interview some of the brightest talents in the industry which in the past has include the likes of Francis Ford Coppol, Brian de Palma and Jon Voight.

6. Mr Muddle’s Befuddled Universe – befuddled.org

Tim Null is an indie publisher who is always happy to promote bloggers and writers on Twitter, and has supported my blog from day one. His posts are also short and sweet, and cover everything from his latest manuscripts, to updates in social media and technology.

7. Penny Ash – pennyash.blogspot.com

This blog hosts the works of the endearing and incredibly helpful Penny Ash. A big fan of Fantasy and Science Fiction as well as History and the world around her, everything provides inspiration for her stories. Penny spends a lot of time online and is always happy to help a writer in need.

Thank you to all you wonderful people. You are true inspirations.

So what are you hanging around for? Go blog!

My Twelve Days Of Christmas

In Holiday Cheer on December 4, 2009 at 12:22 am

My 12 days of Christmas

(Just Keeping It Real)

A weary Santa the morning after an all-night pub crawl.
On the first day of Christmas

my fake love gave to me

a used imitation handbag

On the second day of Christmas

my fake love gave to me

two drunken brawls

and a used imitation handbag

On the third day of Christmas

my fake love gave to me

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

and a used imitation handbag

On the fourth day of Christmas

my fake love gave to me

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

And a used imitation handbag

On the fifth day of Christmas

My fake love gave to me

Five! Jokes about my ARSE…!

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

And a used imitation handbag

On the sixth day of Christmas

My fake love gave to me

six dates to Maccas

Five! Jokes about my ARSE…!

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two visits to jail

And a used imitation handbag

On the seventh day of Christmas

My fake love gave to me

seven farts in bed

six dates to Maccas

Five! Jokes about my ARSE…!

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

And a used imitation handbag

On the eighth day of Christmas

my fake love gave to me

eight loads of laundry

seven farts in bed

six dates to Maccas

Five! Jokes about my ARSE…!

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

And a used imitation handbag

On the ninth day of Christmas

my fake love gave to me

nine fake orgasms

eight loads of laundry

seven farts in bed

six dates to Maccas

Five! Jokes about my ARSE…!

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

And a used imitation handbag

On the tenth day of Christmas

my fake love gave to me

ten cold sores

nine fake orgasms

eight loads of laundry

seven farts in bed

six dates to Maccas

Five! Jokes about my ARSE…!

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

And a used imitation handbag

On the eleventh day of Christmas

my fake love gave to me

eleven junkie ex-wives

ten cold sores

nine fake orgasms

eight loads of laundry

seven farts in bed

six dates to Maccas

Five! Jokes about my ARSE…!

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

And a used imitation handbag

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas

My Fake Love Gave To Me

twelve illegitimate kids

eleven junkie ex-wives

ten cold sores

nine fake orgasms

eight loads of laundry

seven farts in bed

six dates to Maccas

Five! Jokes about my ARSE…!

four guilt trips

three lame excuses

two drunken brawls

And a used imitation handbag

What’s the worst gift you ever received for Christmas?

What’s the worst gift you ever gave for Christmas?

And The Award Goes To… (Part I)

In Networking & Social Media, The Write Stuff on December 3, 2009 at 5:04 am

I feel so guilty right now.

A while back the mysterious librarian, Jenny Martin, aka Scarlet Whisper, sent me a message. She had posted a Kreative Blogger Award list on her humorous, delicious and always relevant blog, Book Binge – http://jmartinlibrarian.wordpress.com/

And I was on it. Wow.

Apologies to Jenny as I didn’t realize with this came responsibility until I received the same honor from Sheri on her highly perceptive and bullshit-intolerant blog, The Uneasy Writer – http://theuneasywriterdiaries.blogspot.com/ – stating the following rules:

1. Copy and paste the pretty picture which you see on the top left corner onto your own blog.
2. Thank the person who gave you the award and post a link to their blog.
3. Write 7 things about yourself we do not know.
4. Choose 7 other bloggers to award.
5. Link to those 7 other bloggers.
6. Notify your 7 bloggers.

Note: Sheri also has a second blog called The Fashion Autopsy – http://fashionautopsy.blogspot.com/ – which I ADORE and is a must-read for anyone who appreciates a professional, though original and highly humorous take on the latest looks to adorn the runway.

When I first started this blog, did not expect anyone to read it, let alone post a comment, let alone think of awarding it anything.

Big thanks to Jenny and Sheri, deeply grateful. Apologies for my tardiness. All I can say is NaNoWriMo. That sucker drained the life out of me.

And now, 7 things about self that you might not know.

1. I am a single mum.

2.When I was 16, after reading Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer and Anais Nin’s The Delta of Venus, was convinced I was the reincarnation of Henry and Anais’ unborn child – deadly serious.

3.I never trust people I just met who say Trust Me.

4.I lock myself out of my house or car at least once a month.

5.Gray is my favorite color to wear, it cheers me up.

6.Upon completion of a script or story, like to head-bang to Blister In The Sun by Violent Femmes.

7. I hate Christmas.

As they recently received my undivided praise and pimping in a previous post – Day 19/Thanks/Pimp List: Humbled & In Awe – I have decided to look beyond the usual suspects and friends, which leaves out many blogs I visit on a regularly basis, that are on my blog roll and which I so dearly enjoy. I have also chosen not to include well-established blogs as they do not require the publicity or recognition.

And so the following are blogs that have come to my attention from afar, one way or another. Blogs in which – unbeknown to the talented yet unsuspecting souls behind them – I have been sniffing and lurking for some time now, and believe to be deserving of encouragement and recognition:

1. WRITE LIKE YOU’RE NAKED – http://d-jordan-knight.blogspot.com/

Wickedly funny and intelligent, this blog promises great reads. Be it about the desire for a “fucking cigarette”, musings on spam -  edible or otherwise, or just plain old existence, D. Jordan Knight’s posts pack a punch. The author is a former humor columnist who presently works as freelance writer and coach. Her work has appeared in print and digital media throughout the world. Current projects include a feature length screenplay, co-written with Zac Sanford (Suntaur Entertainment).

2. MULTI-HYPHENATE – http://multihyphenate.blogspot.com/

Here you will find pontifications of the most amusing caliber pertaining to TV, film, writing, and entertainment. The latest post entitled “The Rising Phoenix of Aesthetically Pleasing Toilet Plungers” highlights the author’s amusing compulsion to hold on to the dying form that is the DVD. The author is Tyler Weaver, filmmaker and TV critic who has excellent taste in movies and music, and most recently bedazzled me with his proficiency in all things Tom Waits.

3. WAITING FOR THE CLICK – http://lesleehorner.wordpress.com/about/

Leslee Horner describes herself as “a wife, mother, writer, and seeker”. She is also the most dedicated and disciplined blogger I know. If you care to check out her blog, will find that she posts DAILY. Yep, every day, a new and interesting post. Leslee gathers inspiration from her daily life, the people around her, as well as current happenings. And expresses her thoughts with a level of sincerity and eloquence that is hard to come by.

4. GOTTA STOP KILLIN’… MAYBE NOT – http://assassingrl.wordpress.com/

Assassin Grl is hot, mean and only out to get ya if you’re a moron or Roman Polanski. Her posts are invariably related to killing or things that put her in a killing mood and also include thoughts on writing and Twitter. She also recently completed National Novel Writing Month and her book, about (yes you guessed it) an assassin called Madison Cooke, is currently begging for a title.

5. THE PASSWORD IS SWORDFISH – Ruminations on Film, Life, and The Unimportant Things In Between – http://thepasswordisswordfish.wordpress.com/

The author, Russell Hainline, humbly refers to himself as “an aspiring writer” – though I would say he most definitely is one. Russell is currently working on his Masters in Theatre History, Literature, and Criticism at The Ohio State University. His reviews are deftly written with a refreshing clarity, honesty and an unquestionable love for the big screen. His most recent reviews include Zombieland, New Moon and 2012.

6. SENSIBLE UNSENSIBLE http://unsensible.wordpress.com/2009/05/

A blog full of really cool poems that don’t try to be anything they’re not, don’t make your head spin and don’t drown in self-imposed abstract imagery to the detriment of author and reader. In fact, the poems on this blog have quite the opposite effect. They make you want to shout, Yeah baby! They make you laugh and breathe a sigh of relief. The author is Justin Something, dad of 3 and a marketer writer with an interest in arts, media, and tech phenomena who describes himself as a “reflective itinerant dreamer”. And a clever one at that.

7. RANDOM OENOPHILE http://random-oenophile.blogspot.com/

Finally. A blog about wine and food, restaurants and vineyards, that is totally accessible and doesn’t require you to spend copious amounts of money. The author, Cecilia Dominic describes herself as “a thirty-something professional in Atlanta with literary aspirations.” Her goal – “to write the blog that I’ve always wanted to read: musings on wines, food, restaurants, and other topics by someone with no professional training in the culinary fields.” Totally recommended for anyone who enjoys a good affordable bite or a good affordable drop or a good read about a good bite or drop. You get the idea.

Congratulations Bloggers!

What are you still doing here? Go blog!

Day 27 – Finished! Done!!!

In NaNoWriMo on November 27, 2009 at 12:00 am

Woke up at 5.30am to finish final 3K. Got so engrossed in story that when finally glanced at word count, found to my surprise 50 860 words.

Could it be?

Did I pass 50K and not even know it? Entered novel into NaNo word count tally and got this:

You Won!

What was the 50 000th word?

No idea.

But feel like this:

A lean mean writing machine.

However, could not have done it without incredible support of all of you who encouraged me, commented on blog, pimped my progress, gave me tips and had my back when reached breaking point. (See Day 19 – Thanks/Pimp List: Humbled & In Awe)

Still going, in terms of novel. But did it.

50K in 30 days. Three days shy.

Those of you who are toying with idea of doing it next year, I say go for it. Won’t lie and tell you it’s easy. It ain’t. But once you’re done, will be left with most amazing feeling of accomplishment .

Started without a clue about story, title or characters. Through bushfire weather, single motherhood, work duties, and other shit, got those darn 2000 words down daily – save Sundays. And now have three-quarters of novel, pretty cool characters – one of which got a sex change while I wasn’t looking – and no title yet. But think it’s a black comedy about domestic violence. Yep, barrel of laughs. Actually it’s quite funny – in parts.

Anyway, this being my last official post for NaNoWriMo 2009, would like to thank ALL OF YOU for so kindly following my progress and giving a shit.

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Coming next, some Christmas cheer – heh heh.

Day 23: The Last Week – Excited Yet Technologically Challenged

In NaNoWriMo, The Write Stuff on November 24, 2009 at 6:46 am

Total Word Count: 43K – Can you believe it?

After the drama and hump of last week, the final week of National Novel Writing Month has arrived.

So quickly and yet, thank god.

Only 7K to go and here’s what I’ve found:

1. My novel is nowhere near the end

According to literary agent websites I have visited, the acceptable word count for a novel these days is somewhere between 70,000-80,000 words. At 43K, I sense am closing in on what novel is actually about (ha ha) but am nowhere near resolution.

2. Will have to keep at it till Christmas

As my aim at the start of November was to complete the first draft of a novel, chances are – after completing NaNoWriMo, will have to keep writing for another two weeks in order to complete a real first draft. But at least can continue with confidence of having successfully completed NaNo and hopefully keeping up the rhythm of getting a few thousand words down daily. (Fingers crossed)

3. Am starting to get really excited

The finish line is at last in sight. Plus, am starting to realize why I wrote this in the first place and have discovered a thing or two about myself – to be shared once this whole damn thing is over.

Had, however, moments of heart-sinking panic over the weekend which I’d like to share in the hope that it may spare any writer the agony of what I experienced – due to sheer stupidity and carelessness.

First, decided to use Write or Die to surge through what was a rather difficult week. It proved to be just the thing I needed. Only, being a complete ditz when it comes to computers, software and such shit, forgot to copy and paste what I had written on the WriteorDie site before exiting and returned later of course to find my 2000 words nowhere to be found.

Ugh. Noooooo….!!!

Luckily found a savior in the form of Penny Ash (@PennyAsh on Twitter) who gave me two tips:

  • If you still have the writing window, click Undo and your precious words will come back.
  • If you have WriteorDie installed, go to the file and look for the date’s text file.

Thankfully found the writing window tucked away somewhere, clicked Undo and all was saved. Penny Ash, my hero.

Then, on Sunday night, my computer refused to start. Just because. Perhaps it was the forty degree weather (Celsius) that lulled it into some sort of coma. In any case, it would not start and once again panic, as had just hit 40K and of course it had not occurred to me to save my work anyplace else.

Bozo.

Fortunately, after a sleepless night of hair-pulling and self-kicking, the computer – capricious bloody thing, decided with change of weather and cool breeze, to start again. Bought it second-hand so perhaps it’s had enough and is leaning towards retirement.

Whatever the case, will never chance it again.

Backed up everything I could onto USB and even emailed novel to self, in case of faulty USB – no more chances.

Also, am saving up for external hard drive and dropping little pre-Christmas shopping hints to friends and relatives who might wish to splash out on me on account of my fabulousness but have no idea what to buy.

“Gee, could really use an EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE wrapped in Santa Claus wrapping paper under the tree this year.”

Hope they get the hint.

Anyone had such nightmares lately or ever with software, erratic computers, lost files? Months or years of hard work down the drain? Anybody?

Please own up and assure me that am not the only technologically challenged idiot on planet.

Day 19/Thanks/Pimp List: Humbled & In Awe

In NaNoWriMo, Networking & Social Media, The Write Stuff on November 19, 2009 at 11:29 pm

Total Word Count So far: 34K

Wow, yesterday I could advance no further. Today I’m all set to go because of you. Yes You!

All you incredible people who showed your tremendous support here and on Twitter.

I am in awe and humbled beyond belief.

Honestly, I didn’t know you were all paying attention, much less cared – lol.

Your encouragement, jokes and words of wisdom moved me to the point that I felt guilty for having whined and set about to do something about it.

Jeanne (@jeannevb) and Sharla (@WinterWrite) had both recommended WriteorDie so thought I’d give it a go.

Am usually skeptical about such things but, it works. In thirty minutes, I got 1000 words down.

Here’s the link – http://writeordie.drwicked.com/ Basically you enter a time, click Start and write as much as possible in allotted time. If you stop or go too slow, it turns red and eventually starts making noise and if you go too slow, it sounds an alarm that shames your fingers into banging for dear life.

But no way would I have been remotely in the vicinity of doing anything of this nature had I not received the kindness and support that I did yesterday.

So today, I’d like to give each and every one of you a special shout-out – for yesterday, for NaNo support in general, and just for being so goddamn awesome.

In the words and footsteps of my dear friend, Jeanne Bowerman, I’m gonna Pimp It Good.

For posting your comments yesterday and saving me from certain writer’s death:

Jessica & Julie

Jessica and Julie at http://kingisafink.wordpress.com/ and @kingisafink on Twitter are a fearless and generous screenwriting and filmmaking duo who most recently made a kooky short film (one of many) called Snow Bunny, which just showed at the Queens Film Festival. Check out their website for details of their cool adventures from Chicago to the Big A for the screening.

Carrie Brozovic

Also known as @brozogirl on Twitter, Carrie is a barber by day, ninja screenwriter by night, and a very dear friend who has had my back at all times. She posts poetic stream-of-consciousness in the form of prose on her blog – http://purelycarrie.wordpress.com/ – quaint snapshots of her life and simultaneous attempts to figure out the maze she refers to as screenwriting. Her sense of humor, priceless!

Ann Marie Gamble

Ann Marie edits manuscripts for university presses, gives amusing and interesting writing tips on Twitter (@amgamble) and posts useful “notes from the wordsmith trenches” on her blog – http://annmariegamble.wordpress.com/ She’s a kind soul with a sharp mind who’s always there to help you on your writing way.

Brittany Langrebe

Another wise and helpful soul, Brittany is a most dedicated writer who not only completed NaNoWriMo in a graceful flurry (yes, already!), but also runs two blogs – one for herself at http://thewordsofawriter.blogspot.com/  and the other for her muse at http://thewordsofamuse.blogspot.com/ Somehow, she also managed to post as guest blogger for another writing site. Bitch!

Sheri

Sheri is a fashion buyer by day who also runs two blogs. One – http://theuneasywriterdiaries.blogspot.com/ – posts musings on everything from aging and etiquette, to being organized. And the other, a fashion blog – http://fashionautopsy.blogspot.com/ -  which I absolutely love and stands somewhere between Carrie Bradshaw and The Devil Wears Prada, takes an honest look at latest trends to embrace the catwalks. Sheri also has a wicked sense of humor so watch out, she bites.

Sharla

Sharla (@WinterWrite on Twitter) is the one who got me into this NaNo mess in the first place *strangle* *hugs*. She reviews books and has also posted amusing NaNo updates on her blog – http://www.winterwrite.com/ Unfortunately her studies has left her a little behind in her NaNo quest but with the help of WriteorDie, she is catching up admirably and I’m sure could do with more support.

Jeanne Bowerman

Is a screenwriter, gifted pimp, force of nature, dear friend and a mean blogger when she puts her mind to it. Actually, she is mean at anything she puts her mind to including #scriptchat which she runs on Twitter every Sunday 8pm EST (US time). Her last post about the passing of her friend Sharon – http://jeanneveillettebowerman.blogspot.com/ moved me to tears. She is currently adapting a novel called Slavery by Another Name by Douglas A. Blackmon. If you find her on Twitter – @jeannevb – ranting madly about this, that and the other, I guarantee she will make you laugh.

Jerry Dennis

Jerry (@JerryD70 on Twitter) is one of the hosts of Movie Geeks United – http://www.blogtalkradio.com/moviegeeksunited – which twice a week discusses the art of cinema and has terrific interviews with the likes of  Francis Ford Coppola, Paul Schrader, Brian De Palma, Jeff Goldblum, John Sayles, Howard Shore,  Jon Voight, just to name a few. Jerry has been one of my most loyal supporters and he also writes a mean review. His latest on Richard Kelly’s The Box can be found at http://blogs.myspace.com/cinemajunkie70

Tim Null

Tim is a writer, an indie publisher and another kind and loyal supporter. You will find him posting links from all walks of life as @timnull on Twitter. He is also currently working on a novel called Harry and Olive, and posts installments of his work in its various stages at http://www.befuddled.org/

CT Kingston

CT Kingston (@CTK1 on Twitter) has the funniest and most irreverent blog I have ever had the pleasure of reading – http://ctkingston.com/ If you want to find out how chicks cook corn and what aliens are really up to with their anal probes, check out her site. It will have you in stitches.

Simon

Would also extend another warm shout out to my mentor Simon who told me to stop whining and get on with it.

First Time Visitors

And other first-time visitors who shared their kind words during my time of dire need – Thank You!

Also to the following who pimp and re-tweet my posts and continue to send me priceless messages of encouragement and inspiration:

Marvin Acuna @MarvinVAcuna http://www.businessofshowintitute.com

Penny Ash @PennyAsh http://www.pucasforest.com/

Lori @Hereallalong http://www.hereallalong.blogspot.com/

Leslee Horner @lesleehorner http://lesleehorner.wordpress.com/

Jenny Martin @jmSapereAude http://jmartinlibrarian.wordpress.com/

Debbie Ohi @inkyelbows http://www.inkygirl.com/

Kristi Thompson @HowDidIGetHere http://howdidyougetthere.wordpress.com/

Sedef Onder @nsedef http://www.thehaloproject.com/

Alison Wells @alisonwells http://alisonwells.wordpress.com/

Than Niles @manvsballoon

Wow, I am truly blessed.

For those of you not here, please forgive my absent-mindedness and rest assured this list is a work in progress.

Also, those of you not already on my blog roll will soon be there.

THANK YOU for picking me up when I needed it. You guys totally rock!

Day 18 – What Is The Point?

In NaNoWriMo, The Write Stuff on November 18, 2009 at 10:49 pm

Word Count: 32K – but who cares, really?

Okay, so have passed the halfway mark.

It’s supposed to get easier this week. And seeing as have 18K to go as opposed to 30K, guess in a way it is.

But now the excitement of story and character and fact that am attempting to write novel has settled, other questions perturb me.

So What? Who Cares? And What Is The Bloody Point?

At least when I post, somebody reads it and some wonderful souls leave comments.

But here I am, slogging away at some novel that have as many chances of seeing light of day as I have of running for Prime Minister of Australia.

Not to mention fact that am talentless, can’t write and well, can’t write.

So I finish Stupid Novel – which as we speak remains title-less – and prove to self can finish Stupid Novel. Big deal.

Will it stop domestic violence and violence in general amongst women?

Will it stop the spread of HIV/AIDS, the H1N1 virus, cure cancer?

Will it help reduce greenhouse emissions?

Will it bring an end to world poverty?

Will it do anything but satisfy my ego?

At least if I had become an accountant, I could have helped innocent tax payers save money and not-so-innocent dodge the tax system.

If I had become a doctor, I could have saved lives or at least write prescriptions for the common cold.

Even if I had become a divorce lawyer, I would have done more helping one person retrieve what’s theirs from the person they believed was the love of their life but turned out to be scum, than I would within the isolation of four walls, crouched over keyboard, banging out words that have no meaning and chances are, will make no difference to immediate environment or people or world in general.

So who cares and what is the goddamn point?

Day 15 – As Week 3 Begins… Simon Says

In NaNoWriMo on November 15, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Total Word Count So Far: 25 001

Snack Of Choice: Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Sauce – it’s summer in Oz

Drink of Choice: Iced anything – it’s bloody hot

Album of Choice: Heart Of Saturday Night – Tom Waits

Major Distraction: Heat and imaginary beckoning of ocean waves

State Of Mind: Questionable

So last week was tough.

Everyone I talked to agreed.

Tough. Tough. Tough.

With the exception of a certain Brittany Landgrebe – aka @lights_aurora – whose word count last time I checked was 28K (am sure it’s multiplying as we speak), and of whom I am becoming increasingly convinced is from another planet, most fellow NaNo nutters seemed to struggle.

But take heart. According to my NaNo mentor, this is normal.

Yes, I have a NaNo mentor in case you haven’t been reading the comments. His name is Simon and he rocks.

Seeing as I decided to sign up at the last minute without any idea what I would write, thought it might be a good idea to check out the forums and in doing so, found one for Mentors. Not sure how it came to be but after monotony of scrolling through pages, stopped at Simon, liked his post and wrote him.

He replied: “Seeing as how you’re going to be winging it – I’m in.” I knew then we would get along just fine. And I was right.

No nudges, just encouragement. He reads my posts and leaves cool comments. And here’s some handy info and advice he’s given me for Week 3.

Simon Says: (And me in Italics)

  • After the pressure of Week 2, once you’re past or almost past that halfway mark, Week 3 is way easier. So hang in there!
  • It doesn’t have to be a great story, just focus on getting the words down. Need to be excited about story so have been re-writing despite fact that it slows me down, but am trying not to be too fussy!
  • There are little cheats that can help you catch up or boost your word count (in case you didn’t know them already). If you write “is not” instead of “isn’t”, “do not” instead of “don’t”, it helps.

I HAD NOT thought of that. Duh…

As Week 3 begins, I am pumped. Took my mandatory day off, did fuck-all. And once again am ready to go.

But before I do, would like to give a warm Shout Out to Simon, as well as all my dear NaNo supporters and fellow nutters. Promise to post list of every one of you special people once I reach Finish Line and have more time.

Am certain I WOULD NOT still be here without you.

2012 – Cusack’s In It!

In My Two Cents Worth on November 13, 2009 at 8:14 am

Still of John Cusack in 2012

Roland Emmerich’s blockbusters of past have been about as memorable as episodes of Prison Break – which send me to sleep faster than the last season of Lost which is really saying something. Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow were all right though thoroughly forgettable. Godzilla sucked eggs (Matthew Broderick up against a giant lizard? I mean gimme a bloody break!). 10 000 B.C. prompted me to eject the DVD after ten minutes and hurl to my local video shop begging for a swap – which I got (thanks Tony!).

Fortunately, I have never made the mistake of actually watching any of these vacuous flicks at the cinema.

But this time, was prepared to make an exception.

Cusack’s In It!

So. In case you missed it, am a bit of a Cusack nutter which prompts me to watch him in anything I can on the big screen. Though might have to resist that impulse when Hot Tub Machine (WTF!) comes to town. You wouldn’t see me there even if Marlon Brando himself (favorite actor of all time) rose from the dead and starred next to Cusack (ooh, on second thoughts).

Anyway, back to the movie at hand.

I was pleasantly surprised.

I expected 100% crap and got only 80% crap. That’s a massive 20% less crap than what I thought I would get.

The first ten minutes felt sort of like a Bourne movie – sort of – skidding across the globe from Washington DC to Paris to Tibet to London, which kept me guessing. Then the “human” part of the story, with a pretty decent array of actors.

Chriwetel Ejiofox as the government scientist with a strong moral compass who sounds the alarm to world leaders about the Earth’s crust heating up. Oliver Platt as ruthless politician with a thirst for power – surprise, surprise. Danny Glover as US President with a conscience. Thandie Newton as First Daughter who inherits her fathers good conscience, who you know is going to end up with the scientist with the strong moral compass and if there’s a sequel to 2012 (ah yes, the irony), they shall churn forth off-spring who will carry on the spirit of the human race. (Whoops, Spoiler. But come on, like you don’t know that’s gonna happen the moment they meet?)

Then of course, Cusack himself as unsuccessful novelist Jackson Curtis, whose latest novel sold all of 400 copies. There’s also his ex-wife, Kate (played by the lovely Amanda Peets), her husband Gordon Silberman (Tom McCarthy) – a plastic surgeon who we know must die in order for Cusack to see the error of his ways and reunite with Peets and their adorable kids Noah (Liam James) and Lilly (Morgan Lily) by end of the movie.

Finally, there’s the performance that steals the show. Woody Harrelson in his element, as the pickle-crunching spaced-out crackpot Charlie Frost, who sprouts conspiracy theories on the airwaves from a camper in the middle of Yellowstone National Park. Emmerich disposes of Charlie early on – pity. But it’s such a breath of fresh air that you’re happy to strap in and go for the ride.

And what a ride.

Owing to credible performances by Cusack, Ejiofox, Harrelson and Glover (though would’ve liked to have seen more of him, acting-wise), a script that focused as much as any popcorn doomsday flick can on character, there might even have been something reminiscent of – dare I say it – the disaster flicks of old.

Though that being said, 2012 remains an apocalyptic movie of limited Emmerich dimensions.

First, there’s the prediction of the Mayan calendar that the world will come to an end by Dec 21 2012, which features largely in previews, but barely comes into play in the movie. In fact, the only time we touch on it is when Cusack, asleep on the couch, has left the TV on and a reporter refers to it on the news.

But that’s cool. Cusack’s in it.

Jackson Curtis does survive some ridiculously incredible situations with the resilience of a superhero – for which one might be prepared to suspend one’s disbelief had he been a cop or athlete or stuntman. But a fiction writer?

That’s cool. Cusack’s in it.

And of course, the usual insufferable cornball monologue, just seconds before a massive tsunami threatens to wipe everyone out – about humanity and integrity and all that bullshit which we know no one would give a flying fuck about should the world truly be coming to an end.

But that’s cool. Yes, you got it. Cusack – looking mighty cute and hunky.

All right. So if you’re not a chick, or a chick who likes Cusack and you’re actually reading this to find out if you should go see the movie, Why not.

I mean, as far as mindless disaster epics go, it pretty much ticks all the boxes.

Not short of thrills. Has a little twist towards the end – not telling. Good fun. Doesn’t send you to sleep.

Oh, and almost forgot. Cusack’s In it!

Still of John Cusack in 2012

Women Live Longer But Do They Live Better?

In Right Here Right Now on November 11, 2009 at 11:48 am

On average, women are expected to live 6 to 8 years longer than men, but are their health care needs met at crucial points in their lives – in particular, adolescence and old age?

According to a WHO (World Health Organization) report released November 9, the answer is No.

Launching the report entitled Women and health: today’s evidence tomorrow’s agenda, WHO Deputy-General Dr. Margaret Chan made it clear the obstacles that stand in the way of womens’ health were neither technically or medically related, but rather social and political in nature.

“We will not see significant progress as long as women are regarded as second-class citizens in so many parts of the world. We will not see significant progress as long as women are excluded from educational and employment opportunities, are paid less or not paid at all, are denied the right to own property, are victims of violence, have no control over household income, and have no freedom to spend money on health care, even if it means saving their own lives.”

Here are some alarming facts:

HIV/AIDS IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH & DISEASE AMONG WOMEN AGED 15-44 (!?)

For women in their reproductive years (15–44), HIV/AIDS is the leading cause of death and disease worldwide, while unsafe sex is the main risk factor in developing countries.

99% OF MATERNAL DEATHS OCCUR IN DEVELOPING COUNTRIES

Every year, 99% of some half a million maternal deaths occur in developing countries.

TUBERCULOSIS IS THE THIRD LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH AMONG WOMEN AGED 15-44

Tuberculosis is often linked to HIV infection and the third leading cause of death among women of reproductive age (15–44 years) in low-income countries and worldwide. It ranks fifth worldwide among women aged 20–59 years.

MOST VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS PERPETRATED BY AN INTIMATE MALE PARTNER

Violence against women is widespread around the world. Women who have been physically or sexually abused have higher rates of mental ill-health, unintended pregnancies, abortions and miscarriages than non-abused women.

SUICIDE IS THE SEVENTH TOP CAUSE OF DEATH GLOBALLY FOR WOMEN AGED 20-59

Women are more susceptible to depression and anxiety than men. An estimated 73 million adult women worldwide suffer a major depressive episode each year. Mental disorders following childbirth, including depression, are estimated to affect about 13% of women within a year of delivery.

BREAST CANCER IS THE LEADING CANCER KILLER AMONG WOMEN AGED 20-59 YEARS IN HIGH INCOME COUNTRIES

CERVICAL CANCER IS THE SECOND MOST COMMON TYPE OF CANCER AMONG WOMEN

Almost 80% of cases today and an even higher proportion of deaths from cervical cancer occur in low-income countries, where access to cervical cancer screening and treatment virtually does not exist.

CHRONIC OBSTRUCTIVE PULMONARY DISEASE (COPD) CAUSED BY EXPOSURE TO INDOOR SMOKE IS OVER 50% HIGHER AMONG WOMEN THAN MEN

Tobacco use and the burning of solid fuels for indoor heating and cooking are the primary risk factors for chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) – a lung ailment – in women. Women prepare most of the family food, hence, the burden of COPD caused by exposure to indoor smoke is over 50% higher among women than among men.

GLOBALLY, CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE IS THE LEADING KILLER OF AGED WOMEN

Chronic conditions – mainly cardiovascular disease and COPD – account for 45% of deaths in women over 60 years of age worldwide. Cardiovascular disease (mainly heart attacks/ischaemic heart disease and stroke), often thought to be a “male” problem, is the main killer of older women. Women often show different symptoms from men, which contributes to under diagnosis of heart disease in women. Women also tend to develop heart disease later in life than men.

In a statement released by Dr. Chan, she stated:

“From the report, we know that up to 80% of all health care and 90% of care for HIV/AIDS-related illness is provided in the home, almost always by women. Most of this work is unsupported, unrecognized, and unremunerated. Women are less likely than men to be in formal employment. They work most of their waking hours but are not paid. Because they are less likely to be part of the formal work force, women lack access to job security and the benefits of social protection, including access to health care.

Worldwide, more than 580 million women are illiterate, which is more than twice the number of illiterate men. The impact of educational status on the health of women and their families is very well documented. How can we tolerate such a huge difference in such a hugely important opportunity?”

HIV/AIDS the leading cause of death and disease among women aged 15-44?

580 million illiterate women in the world?

How is it possible that we can build international space stations, invent prototype cars that can drive without the help of humans, examine laser particle acceleration as a potential future use in cancer treatment, and we can’t make sure every person in this world can read and write, or that 80% of our health care givers receive adequate health care when they need it most?

To read the full report go to – http://www.who.int/gender/women_health_report/en/index.html

Day 9 – One Day Off Makes All The Difference

In NaNoWriMo on November 9, 2009 at 11:16 am

Total Word Count So Far: 14 015

Come last Saturday, as in the day before yesterday, I was a wreck.

After one week of NaNoWriMo and 12 345 words in the bank, I felt drained and defeated and not too crash hot about what I had written.

Granted, this is supposed to be about – in the words of NaNo founder Chris Baty – “having fun writing crap.”

Granted, as I said before starting this whole darn thing, output is what counts here.

But as it turns out, while I am in the habit of writing crap, I am NOT in the habit of carrying on writing it regardless.

I need to fix the crap, move on till it gets crap again, fix that and so on and so forth.

And I know I the trick to 5oK is: Keep moving, don’t look back, don’t rewrite.

But come Saturday, when I realized the last 2000 words or so were nothing more than excrement – masturbation if I was lucky, I could not proceed. Correction. Would not proceed.

Have fun writing crap? Are you mad?

If I wanted to do that, I’d write soap on TV.

Writing crap isn’t satisfying, let alone fun. It’s irresponsible and quite frankly, bad karma.

You think Stephen King’s Misery was some fictional horror story? It’s what really happens to writers who sell out and write empty characters or stories that don’t mean anything.

It’s what happens to writers who continue to write crap after they realize what they’re writing IS crap.

So, you see, on Saturday I was going slightly nuts.

Which is when I decided to take the day off and do fuck all.

Did not turn on the computer – not so much as a glance. No internet. No email. No Twitter.

Just the company of friends and family, good food and beer and conversations about Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s policy on asylum seekers, Fort Hood, Britney Spears lip syncing in Australia… Everything but work and what I was writing.

Here’s what I figured.

If on Monday, I felt the same way I had on Saturday, I would scrap what I needed to scrap and start from there. Screw the quota. Screw the motto.

Asking me to have fun writing crap is like asking me to have fun cooking with bad ingredients or have fun losing a game of poker.

Baking a cake with off milk – no fun. Losing at Texas Hold ‘em – no fun. Writing 50 000 words of crap – no fun.

This morning, I turned the computer on, refreshed and without dread. Printed out what I had written and you know what? It didn’t read that bad.

It wasn’t perfect and needed some fine-tuning, a couple of edits here and there, but it didn’t require the kind of overhaul I had anticipated.

I scrapped about a thousand words but wrote heaps more than I usually do in one sitting – over 3000 words. I’m much happier about where the story’s heading and how the characters are developing. Most importantly, I have refueled and am ready for another week.

One day off makes all the difference.

If you feel like slitting your wrists, a day off will make you content with a couple of Valium and a stiff drink.

If you feel like killing someone, a day off will make you content with just punching them.

And if you’re ready to quit, a day off will make you feel not quite ready to do that.

At least not today. Maybe tomorrow.

Day 6 – Missing The White Space

In NaNoWriMo on November 5, 2009 at 8:28 pm

Yesterday’s Word Count: 2011

Total Word Count: 9256

Drink of Morning: Coffee, lots

Okay, massive screenwriting withdrawals today as I continue quest to complete novel in one month.

Second novel, I might add.

The very first one, written more than a decade ago, sits at back of cupboard in plastic container along with old walkman from eighties and tap-dancing shoes – of all things – that belonged to someone I haven’t seen in also over a decade.

Anyway, stopped banging away to find page packed with words and sentences that have grown into paragraphs that fill entire page.

And realize the following:

Miss the white space of a screenplay.

Miss having to keep story moving for benefit of camera.

Miss writing for camera.

Miss writing with knowledge that will be re-written by someone else if am lucky enough to get read and sold.

Miss the clipped sentences, not having to delve into descriptive sentences about emotions and aesthetics.

Miss knowledge that will not be primary player should screenplay be made (which is point of writing one) unless producing or directing.

And after reading this list of what I miss about writing a screenplay have come to this conclusion:

Need to get head examined.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 4: Never Stop At End Of Chapter

In NaNoWriMo on November 4, 2009 at 7:09 am

Today’s Word Count: 1675

Total Word Count Thus Far: 7202

Writing Snack Of Day: Dumplings

Writing Drink Of Day: Lemongrass tea (it’s yum, try it)

Writing Album of Day: World Gone Wrong – Bob Dylan

Writing Distractions: Just about everything (will explain)

All right. All you Nano writers out there and writers in general who seek to bang out a first draft…

Here’s a tip.

Never Stop At The End Of A Chapter!

It makes the next day THAT much harder.

I’ll tell you why.

Yesterday I thought I was King Shit, right? I mean, not only did I get 2011 words and a whole chapter down, I also managed to win me 98 bucks through new found psychic horse-betting powers. (Check out Day 3 if you haven’t already)

So today I swagger up to keyboard, open file, and nothing.

What happens when you’re writing almost 2000 words a day on top of everything else is, as days go by, you grow mentally and physically weary. Your body actually starts to ache if you’re not used to it. It really is a marathon.

If you end a chapter the day before, what you have to the next day is start a new chapter. Which sounds simple enough.

But what it actually means is, staring at a blank page.

Which is as good as starting all over again.

Especially when you’re drained, to navigate – both emotionally and mentally – the course of a story from a blank page, is a feat near impossible.

By contrast, if you end somewhere mid-chapter, you get to pick up where you left off and go with the flow into the next chapter.

It’s a lot easier and requires a lot less stress and discipline.

Needless to say, missed 5.00-7.30am Nano time slot again. Took me all day to get into the swing of things. Almost gave up for the day. Literally forced self into zone by re-reading and somehow resisting temptation to rewrite. (Aargh! as she sinks teeth into knuckles)

But so glad I did.

Day 3 – A Poor Start With A Shocking Twist

In NaNoWriMo on November 3, 2009 at 11:51 am

So today I woke up Not In The Mood to write.

You know what I mean. You’re willing to do anything – clean the house, do the laundry, wash your car, wash your neighbor’s car. Just as long as it doesn’t involve sitting down and writing?

I’m not sure what brought it on though am almost certain it can be attributed to exhaustion.

A quota of 1600 plus words a day seems harmless but on top of work, family and domestic duties and other obligations, it does take its toll.

Gawd, listen to me. It’s only Day 3.

So I woke up at my 5am which is my Nano slot – 5am to 7.30am. I love waking up early and fulfilling my writing quota for the day. It’s like that early morning jog or swim. Invigorating.

But today I was – yes – Not In The Mood. So I read instead – Bridgette Jones’ Diary. Had to be something light.

An hour passed and I got guilty so dragged myself to the computer and babbled mindlessly. Never have I been so happy to get to the paying job.

But then something happened.

It was Melbourne Cup today – the spring carnival horse race that stops the nation. Everyone drops what they’re doing for this one race at 3pm (if you’re in Melbourne, it’s a holiday) and even if you have five dollars to your name, you place a bet. It’s mandatory.

At lunch time, a colleague and I ambled over to the local TAB in the thick of an unprecedented heat wave that climbed its way to a sweltering 36.9 degrees Celsius (about 98 Farenheit). And as I perused the long list of horses, heard a voice whisper in my ear, Shocking, Shocking… Over and over.

At first I thought it was my dead grandmother berating me for gambling away my lunch money. Then to my surprise, discovered a horse called Shocking and lay $1o on it to win.

Guess what?

It came first and I won 98 friggin’ dollars!

After dinner tonight, I sat down and scrapped the shit I typed this morning and have just completed a word count of 2011 for the day.

Better still, I discovered more about my characters and story and sort of think I know where it’s going now. Though have yet to decide on a title and am expecting to be continuously surprised. Have to keep myself opened to possibilities, right?

Entered everything written so far into the Nano word count tally and am proud to announce a total of 5542 words.

Only 44 458 to go. Ha.

Go Shocking!

While this may sound like a tale of random luck and total chance, I truly feel with this Nano experience – where as a writer, you have no choice but to go with the flow and interfere as little as possible – that I am dealing more than ever with the occult.

Call me crazy but somebody from another realm whispered that horse to me today. Truly (don’t laugh). I have never picked a horse to win. Just like that. I suspect it will never happen again. (And if it does, maybe I should just ditch writing and become a psychic for punters!)

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I feel angels watching over me as I write and speak for those who have chosen me to speak on their behalf. And while my technique may seem unorthodox at the best of times, I feel truly blessed and humbled to be at their service.

98 bucks, 2011 words. Cool bananas. Good night!

Day Two – A Tad Harder

In NaNoWriMo on November 2, 2009 at 2:50 am

Word Count for the day: 1833

Writing Duration: 2.5 hours

Word Count so far: 3526

Writing snack for the day: Dark chocolate – Lindt

Writing drink – always: Espresso, lots of it

Temptations: Twitter, phone, friendly neighbor, work pile

Tips of the day: Do NOT read book from start. This will prompt you to automatically revise/edit which will screw with your head and your flow.

So today was harder.

Precisely because I decided to read what I wrote yesterday and as stated in tip, it screwed with me.

After editing extensively, re-read what I had re-written and decided, preferred the original stuff anyway.

Moral of Story #1: Do Not Revise. This is a marathon. Aim of month – to keep going and get to end. Save quality assurance and rewrites for December and other months to come.

Moral of Story #2: Trust Yourself. This is a good exercise in getting out of the way and just letting story and characters through. Trust that you will know something isn’t working and alter it as you go.

Moral of Story #3: November is about moving forward. Never, ever, look back.

Once I got over the looking back part, which by the way consumed about an hour, it took me a while to recover – lots of stopping and starting and second-guessing – before getting into the moment and running with it once again.

By the time I stopped, found I had written a little more than yesterday.

I suspect as days dribble on and book grows thicker, it will get increasingly difficult to keep going and ignore urge to rewrite.

The other obstacle I encountered today was after yesterday’s success, I thought about the story heaps and sort of had a preconceived notion of where it would or should go today.

Result: I kept getting in the way.

When I decided to surrender myself once more to the muses, the story flowed – not the way I thought it would but in a way that surprised me and made me discover a few more things about my character.

Tomorrow’s Aim: Go with flow and trust myself.

I want to thank you ALL for your generous support, comments and re-tweets thus far.

Am deeply touched. Couldn’t do this without you.

Day One – I Feel Grand!

In NaNoWriMo on October 31, 2009 at 9:11 pm

It is 7.30 on a Sunday morning, I have written the first 1693 words of my novel and I feel grand!

What I love about living in Australia. There are several things. But apart from the vegemite sandwiches and kangaroos that bounce in abundance along the highways, in the words of Chris Baty, founder of NaNoWriMo, I love “the forward-thinking choice in continental placement”. Because here in Oz, National Novel Writing Month started seven and a half hours ago.

The plan was to wait for the stroke of midnight and write my little heart out to two thousand words.

But I fell asleep at 10pm – blame it on the 2 km swim I had earlier during the day.

For some strange reason I thought swimming would help me write. What it helped me do was demolish an entire pizza (Large!) and doze off on the couch with the television blaring.

When I woke up it was five in the morning and some dude on the small screen was trying to sell me a nasal spray that would solve all my erection problems.

So I made myself a plunger of coffee, got right to it and just finished with a grand total of 1693 words.

50 000 words in 30 days means roughly 1600 and something words daily, so I feel pretty good about myself and have the entire rest of day to spend with daughter. Yay!

Strange feeling, writing without knowing what’s ahead. Sans censorship.

It reminded me of how I used to write back in the day, when I was a teenager, with all the fearlessness of a warrior.

It made me realize how many restrictions I have imposed upon myself since. How this has weighed me down.

This will be a journey of realization. Not expression.

I aim to discover and explore. Not expound.

It was a strange mystical place in which I found myself at the dark of morning.

I had no idea of titles, character names, outlines. But when I sat down to write, it just came.

At first I faltered. At least 15 minutes on the title. Another 15 on the protagonist’s name.

But then her name came. As did she.

And the rest just flowed.

The test will now be to see if I can leave what I wrote today and press on tomorrow. No edits. No rewrites.

I don’t know about that one, we’ll see.

Also, if I can keep this up for another 29 days, that would be great.

For now, I feel like a medium fresh from a long channeling session.

Liberated. And humbled. Deeply humbled.

It Has To Stop

In Right Here Right Now on October 30, 2009 at 1:19 am

First, the gang rape of a 15-year-old student who struggled against 7 attackers over a period of 2 hours, as more than a dozen bystanders laughed, took photos, joined in and did nothing to stop it from happening.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/10/four-charged-in-gang-rape-of-15yearold-bay-area-student.html

Now, a report released by the Parents Television Council – www.parentstv.org – on Wednesday, October 28, that states violence against women on U.S. mainstream TV has increased by 120%, whilst the depiction of teenage girls as victims has escalated to as much as 400%.

The report entitled Women In Peril, revealed 5 major findings:

1. Violence against women and teenage girls is increasing on television at rates that far exceed the overall increases in violence on television. Violence, irrespective of gender, on television increased during the study period only 2% from 2004 to 2009, while the incidence of violence against women increased 120% during that same period.

Example: Desperate Housewives – ABC March 22, 2009

Dave is shown loading a hunting rifle while camping in the woods with Mike and Katherine and following them while they hike together. He aims the gun at Katherine and shoots her in the chest. This turns out to be Dave’s daydream, but later in the same episode, Dave attempts to enact his plan to kill Katherine, but fails in his attempt.

Example: Heroes – NBC, April 27, 2009

Images from Sylar’s past life flash on the screen, including a scene of him stabbing a woman in the chest with some scissors.

2. Every network with the exception of ABC demonstrated a dramatic increase in the number of storylines that included violence against women between 2004 and 2009.

3. Although female victims appeared to be primarily of adult age, collectively, there was a 400% increase in the depiction of teen girls as victims across all networks from 2004 to 2009.

Example: C.S.I. –  CBS, May 5, 2009

A teenage girl is shown dead in a parking lot (more than once), a teenage girl is shown being attacked by her friend’s father in a flashback, a teenage boy is shown dosing a girl with a date rape drug in her drink at a party, the same boy is shown attempting to have sex with the unconscious girl, lab techs discuss the presence of GHB and evidence of a sexual assault found on the teenaged victim.

4. Fox stood out for using violence against women as a punch line in its comedies — in particular Family Guy and American Dad — trivializing the gravity of the issue of violence against women.

Example: Family Guy – Fox, May 17, 2009

NARRATOR:  And so Griffin Peterson and Lady Redbush were happily reunited.  Of course, Griffin had to go through the complex, extensive divorce procedure required by 18th Century Society.

The scene cuts to Peter shooting Meg dead with a musket.

5. From 2004 to 2009 there was an 81% increase in the incidence of intimate partner violence on television.

Example: CSI: Miami – CBS, May 10, 2004

Investigators find a cork screw that is consistent with the stab wounds on Nicole’s body. They reconstruct what happened in a flashback:  Nicole and Veronica are fighting.  Nicole swings a wine bottle at Veronica and Veronica stabs Nicole. Afterwards, she drags Nicole out of the house, into the garage, leaving a huge smear of blood on the floor.

As more evidence comes available, investigators reconstruct the crime.  This time, a flashback shows a man from the health club showing up at Veronica’s apartment and is upset to find he was rejected in favor of another woman.  He is shown attacking and fighting with Nicole. Nicole hits him with a wine bottle, and he stabs her with the cork screw.

The report concluded:

“By depicting violence against women with increasing frequency on television, or as a trivial, even humorous matter, the networks may be contributing to an atmosphere in which young people view aggression and violence against women as normative, even acceptable.”

Recently, on October 19, 2001, actress Nicole Kidman testified before a House Foreign Affairs subcommittee that is considering legislation to address violence against women overseas through humanitarian relief efforts and grants to local organizations working on the problem.  During committee questioning, Ms. Kidman conceded that Hollywood has probably contributed to violence against women by portraying them as weak sex objects – according to the Associated Press.

According to the Parents TV Council, Kidman’s observation is “consistent with a vast body of academic and medical research pointing to media violence as a significant risk factor leading to real world violence.”

“Childhood exposure to media violence has been found to be predictive of young adult aggressive behavior for both males and females. Identifying with the perpetrators of violence on TV, as well as the realism of TV violence also predict later aggression. (L. Rowell Huesmann, Jessica Moise-Titus, Cheryl- Lynn Podolski, and Leonard D. Eron, 2003). Therefore, if children see violence toward women modeled on television, if they identify with the persons committing the violent acts, and they perceive what they are seeing as being realistic, research supports the conclusion that this will influence the child’s behavior.)”

In an editorial entitled Women At Risk – August 7, 2009, Columnist Bob Herbert wrote: “We have become so accustomed to living in a society saturated with misogyny that the barbaric treatment of women and girls has come to be more or less expected.” – http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/08/opinion/08herbert.html?_r=1

Herbert refers to the case of George Sodini, who moaned in his blog about being rejected by women and later went to a Pennsylvania gym, where he shot three women to death, wounded nine others, then killed himself.

“We’ve seen this tragic ritual so often that it has the feel of a formula,” states Herbert. “A guy is filled with a seething rage toward women and has easy access to guns. The result: mass slaughter.”

Herbert also refers to the Amish schoolhouse incident of 2006, when “a fiend invaded an Amish schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania, separated the girls from the boys, and then shot 10 of the girls, killing five.”

At the time, Herbert noted, “there would have been thunderous outrage if someone had separated potential victims by race or religion and then shot, say, only the blacks, or only the whites, or only the Jews. But if you shoot only the girls or only the women — not so much of an uproar.”

Over the gang rape of the 15-year-old girl, I am saddened and stunned. My thoughts go out to her and her family.

In painful conclusion, all I can do is quote Herbert:

“Life in the United States is mind-bogglingly violent. But we should take particular notice of the staggering amounts of violence brought down on the nation’s women and girls each and every day for no other reason than who they are. They are attacked because they are female…

We would become much more sane, much healthier, as a society if we could bring ourselves to acknowledge that misogyny is a serious and pervasive problem, and that the twisted way so many men feel about women, combined with the absurdly easy availability of guns, is a toxic mix of the most tragic proportions.”

Can’t say it much better than that.

Actress Nicole Kidman speaks during the "International Violence Against Women: Stories and Solutions" hearing at Rayburn House Office Building on October 21, 2009 in Washington, DC.

Actress Nicole Kidman speaks during the “International Violence Against Women: Stories and Solutions” hearing at Rayburn House Office Building on October 21, 2009 in Washington, DC.

Julie & Julia: Another Way

In My Two Cents Worth on October 29, 2009 at 4:20 am

Last week, following the debate about Julie & Julia, I promised an example of a scene that I thought might provide a more satisfying ending.

Just to be clear (and apologies if I wasn’t), I do not seek to change the facts – that Julie and Julia did not meet.

The problem for me, lay in the scene where Julie finds out through a third party, over the phone, that Julia hates her. The film then goes on to illustrate the respective success of both women in attaining the recognition they so desire.

Almost everyone agreed the ending left them with a feeling of deflation or dissatisfaction.

I propose that could have been easily fixed. For example…

When the New York Times publish the article on Julie’s blog, Julie and her husband, Eric, proceed to celebrate in bed to the sound of the answering machine with offer after offer from agents, publicists… etc.

End there on a high note.

Next scene…

INT. FRENCH PATISSERIE /CAFE – NEXT DAY

A person holds Julie’s article in one hand. Crunches on half a baguette with the other.

French music plays over a cozy space with hardwood floors and small round marble-topped tables. Feels like Paris until–

A typical New York lunch crowd barges in – Julie and her colleague among them. They join a queue at the patisserie counter.

COLLEAGUE: That is so amazing.

JULIE: I know, right?

COLLEAGUE: One article in the Times and you’re a wanted woman.

JULIE: I know.

COLLEAGUE: Power of the media…

JULIE: I know!

COLLEAGUE: Say that one more time and I’m gonna have to slap you.

Julie grins – she’s on top of the world, nothing can bring her down.

They’re next.

COLLEAGUE : I’ll have the Quiche Lorraine. Do you make that with low-fat butter?

The shop assistant throws her a look.

COLLEAGUE: Just asking… Geez.

Julie grins. Turns around, peruses the cafe.

COLLEAGUE (O.S.): What about croissants? They fattening?

ACROSS THE CAFE

The person reading the article on Julie’s blog, puts the paper down. It’s Julia. A much older Julia.

She passes one of her trademark grunts before proceeding to demolish the rest of her baguette. Looks up to find a face in the crowd, by the counter, staring unmistakably at her.

It takes a moment before Julia glances at the picture in the article. Pairs it with the woman who presently ogles her.

AT THE COUNTER

Julie gapes at Julia, incredulous. Her eyes light up – hopeful, expectant, ready to make her way over when–

Julia’s expression turns cold. Picks up the paper. Shields herself from Julie’s view.

Julie watches – crushed.

COLLEAGUE (O.S.): Come on famous writer, what’ll it be?

Julie jerks. Looks to her colleague.

Steals a final glance at Julia who turns the page with deliberate calm and nonchalance.

Julie drops her head, turns despondently towards the counter.

END OF SCENE  – something like that, anyway.

The next scene, Julie can return home and still say to her husband: Julia hates me!

But now, I think, it would have more impact.

My two cents worth.

That’s It – I Am Officially Insane!

In NaNoWriMo on October 25, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Just signed up for National Novel Writing Month, more affectionately known as NaNoWriMo.

Basically a writing marathon that starts 12am November 1st and ends midnight November 30th, upon which successful participants will have in their possession, a 175-page or 50,000-word novel.

Obviously what matters here is output. Not Dostoevsky.

Why I’ve decided to do this, I’m not sure.

Sharla (@WinterWrite on Twitter, check out her link below) was looking for a buddy and I signed up, is the benign answer.

What will come of this, who knows.

What I will write about, god only knows.

I have decided to wing it.

Safe to say, I am officially insane.

Though it seems I am not alone. In 2007, out of 100,000 participants, more than 15,000 crossed the 50k finish line by the midnight deadline. More nutters expected this year.

So come November (in 1 week!), I will not be posting my “normal” stuff.

There will be excerpts instead of my would-be novel (advanced apologies for the senseless crap), along with thoughts and revelations as I embark on what I can only imagine to be a literary and emotional disaster.

I am excited though. Well, not really. I just said that because that is what everyone on the NaNoWriMo forum seems to be saying – “Wow, Soooo excited!”

I am not excited. Neither am I terrified.

What I am is annoyed – and okay, a little freaked. That I can’t for the hell of me think of something to write about non-stop for 30 days.

Hopefully this won’t last.

Hopefully the muses will beam upon me, be it out of sheer pity.

Hopefully I shall finish alive.

Wish Me Luck. I count on your ruthless support:

If I whinge, I trust you will remind me that I and no one else (except perhaps Sharla) got myself into this absurd mess.

If I tire, I trust you will give me a swift kick up the ass.

If I threaten to quit, I trust you will vow never to have anything to do with me again.

For those equally insane, go to http://www.nanowrimo.org or click on link below.

If you’d like to be my NaNoWriMo Buddy, my User ID is: moderndaystoryteller.

In any case, I do hope you’ll join me on my journey and cheer me on.

Thank you.

Aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!

Anti-Bullying Policy Gone Wrong

In Kids Stuff on October 23, 2009 at 3:45 am

Yesterday, as I picked my daughter up from school, I spotted another mum who had arrived to fetch her daughter, N – one of those well-balanced, perpetually smiling, straight-A types (yes, they do exist).

N’s mum, a usually chatty lady, threw me a brief wave and scurried off.

I assumed she was in a rush, but as we got into the car, my daughter explained…

DAUGHTER: N’s mum is really mad. She’s moving N to a new school.

ME: What? Why?

D: She’s not happy.

M: Why not?

D: Something happened.

M: What?

D: I can’t say. It’s personal. Girl’s stuff.

M: I’m a girl.

D: No you’re not. You’re a woman.

M: What Happened?

(Typical conversation between daughter and self. I swear, it’s like pulling out teeth with tongs. Plastic ones!)

So, as the story goes, another girl – Z, complained to her mum that a bunch of girls had been picking on her in the playground, making life miserable.

During lunch and recess, N, along with three other girls would deliberately ignore Z, prohibit her from participating in their games, and called her terrible names. Apparently, this had been going on for weeks now.

Upon hearing this, Z’s mum was understandably distraught. So distraught that she decided to bypass the class teacher and make a beeline for the principal’s office.

Her daughter was being segregated and traumatized and it had to stop.

The principal was livid. If there is anything her school won’t stand for it’s bullies. She rants about it every week in the newsletter, under Principal’s Message. On the header below the school’s name, the subtitle reads: This School Is A Bully-Free Zone!

No way in hell will the Principal stand for this.

She hauls N and the other girls into her office. No questions asked. They are berated and threatened with severe punishment, too terrified to utter a word in their own defense.

They leave in tatters.

The Principal calls Z’s mum. All sorted out. Those girls will be picking on No One ever again.

The girls return to the classroom, each a blubbering mess. Z watches them, racked with guilt.

She goes home. Spills the beans.

Fact is, N and her friends have never picked on Z or left her out.

Fact is, Z has been doing the bullying and N and the other girls have been the victims of her behavior.

Z’s mum is incredulous and now racked with guilt herself, promptly calls the principal. But too late. Damage done.

Yesterday, when I picked my daughter up, she reported that 2 out of those 4 girls were leaving the school. Their parents were understandably upset and appalled at the lack of restraint and judgment exercised by the school.

Z’s classmates are pissed. Not only did Z get their friends in trouble, she is also responsible for their departure.

As for Z, she has been absent all week.

“It’s the guilt” explained my daughter who admits, she “sort of” feels sorry for Z – “No one’s gonna play with her now.”

Naturally, my sympathies extend to N and her friends and their parents. If my daughter had been subjected to the same treatment, I might well be school-hunting as we speak.

At the same token, I can’t help feeling for Z. It’s hard to say why she did it without being privy to the whole story.

Though as matters stand, she’s just a kid.

Why should she have to suffer the consequences of a lack of control and management skills on behalf of the adults in charge?

Whatever You Do, Don’t Mix!

In Right Here Right Now on October 21, 2009 at 5:08 am

The Louisiana Justice of the Peace who refused to perform an interracial marriage was interviewed on CBS News Monday morning and tried to explain his actions.

Bardwell explained that he had seen “countless” interracial couples where the children were rejected by family members, and he didn’t want to see that happen again. He defended himself by pointing out that he did not prevent the couple from getting married; he merely would not do it himself…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/15/interracial-couple-denied_n_322784.html

Honestly, I think the guy’s been getting a bad rap for no reason.

On October 15, Bardwell told the Associated Press, “I’m not a racist. I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way. I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else,”

You heard the man. He has piles and piles of black friends. He allows them into his home. He even lets them use his bathroom.

So what’s the fuss?

I mean leave the guy alone. He’s only thinking of the kids. And the preservation of Race.

Mixing blood is like mixing drinks. Too much and you end up regretting it for a long, long time…

I only wish Justice of the Peace Bardwell had been around when my parents decided to tie the knot.

My father was Chinese – oddly enough, still is. My mother, Sri Lankan. And out I popped, dark-skinned but Oriental-looking.

Were they thinking of me when they decided to procreate? No.

Did they consider the possibility that I might be referred to as “China girl” amongst my maternal relatives? Or differentiated for my darker skin and inability to speak the dialect amongst my paternal relatives? No.

Were they thinking of me at all when they decided to get married? Of course not. Talk about selfish.

Looking at me, people can’t tell if I’m Chinese-Chinese, or Filipino-Chinese, or Thai, or Vietnamese and once during my travels in Canada, I was even mistaken for a native Indian!

I mean people need to know what it is they’re looking at. I need to know what it is I’m looking at.

I’m serious. Someone should start paying attention to this Bardwell guy.

Once you start breeding mongrels, it only gets worse.

Cuz what do I do? I go and marry a Jewish/Tunisian/French guy with Spanish ancestors.

What do you get when you mix a Chindian with a Jewish Tunisian Mediterranean whatever?

I’ll tell you what you get. One hellova screwed-up kid.

And what does she look like? If I had to pin her aesthetics to a race or nationality, I’d have to say, Iranian. With a twist.

Aside from her unfortunate hodgepodge looks, the poor kid celebrates every holiday in the book. Chinese New Year, Christmas, Yom Kippur, Passover, Bastille Day, Rosh Hashanah…

Recently she brought home a school project – My Family Tree. Well, imagine. Great grandparents from mainland China, Tunisia, Israel, Jaffna, Malaysia… Madness.

Not only do kids suffer as a result of mixed marriages, adults cop it too. When I pushed my fair-skinned baby in her pram on the streets of Kuala Lumpur, locals who assumed I was the maid, asked me who my “master and m’am” were.

If only Bardwell had been there from the very beginning. He could have knocked some sense into my giddy-headed parents and warned them:

Whatever you do, don’t mix!

Julie and Julia, Butch and Sundance, and Why Endings Are SO Important

In My Two Cents Worth, The Write Stuff on October 20, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Julie and Julia

I recently watched Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid, then read the screenplay.

There were a couple of scenes which took me out of the story and I was interested to find in his Hollywood memoir, Adventures In The Screen Trade, that screenwriter William Goldman felt the same. Says if he were writing Butch today, a few of those scenes would probably be out. Audiences today are much savvier and the scenes in question hampered the flow of the story.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter.

Director George Roy Hill got to the heart of Goldman’s unusual script and translated it flawlessly to screen. The chemistry between Paul Newman and Robert Redford was so infectious, I would have followed them anywhere. And the ending. Oh Boy…

Here’s the end of the final scene – Butch and Sundance have been hiding all day, wounded, in a room of a Bolivian village surrounded by local policeman. They decide to shoot their way out and make a final dash for their horses. What they don’t know is that the Bolivian Calvary has arrived and awaits them…

BUTCH AND SUNDANCE on their feet. Slowly, they move toward the door as we

CUT TO

MORE AND MORE SOLDIERS vaulting the wall

CUT TO

BUTCH AND SUNDANCE into the last of the sunlight and then comes the first of a painfully loud burst of rifle fire and as the sound explodes–

THE CAMERA FREEZES BUTCH AND SUNDANCE.

Another terrible barrage. Louder. BUTCH AND SUNDANCE remain FROZEN. Somehow the sound of the rifles manages to build even more. BUTCH AND SUNDANCE stay FROZEN. Then the sound begins to diminish.

And as the sound diminishes, so does the color, and slowly, the faces of BUTCH AND SUNDANCE begin to change. The song from the New York sequence begins. The faces of BUTCH and SUNDANCE continue to change, from color to the grainy black and white that began their story. The rifle fire is popgun soft now as it blows them back into history.

THE END

George Roy Hill directed the film exactly as written. When the rifle fire blows Butch and Sundance “back into history”? I was blown away. Scenes that didn’t belong, smarty-pants dialogue, jerky momentum… All forgiven.

That’s great but what, you ask, has this to do with Nora Ephron’s latest film? A story about two women – culinary pioneer and TV chef, Julia Child (Meryl Streep), and internet celebrity Julie Powell (Amy Adams), whose blog about her preparation of all 524 recipes in Julia’s 1961 bestseller Mastering the Art of French Cooking turned Powell into a published author?

Well, I’ll tell you.

Julie and Julia was the first Ephron film I enjoyed at the theater since When Harry Met Sally (written by Ephron, directed by Rob Reiner), one of my favorite romantic comedies of all time.

Films like Sleepless In Seattle, You’ve Got Mail, Hanging Up, I found formulaic at best. More often than not, with an Ephron film, I have come to expect the following: the stories will run in parallel, the music will be nostalgic, and our protagonists will kiss and/or meet right at the very end, upon which the camera will soar into the heavens as we cue for the final time, that nostalgic music.

With Julie & Julia I found myself in similar terrain.

The story hopped from Julia – in Post WWII Paris, the restless wife of U.S. diplomat Paul Child (Stanley Tucci) – whose passion for eating leads to a pursuit of mastering French cuisine, and Julie – in post 9/11 New York – whose dreary job and dreams of becoming a writer, propels her to start a blog and pay literal homage to her idol, Julia.

This time round, the tried and trusty Ephron formula felt a touch fresher, less complacent.

Thanks largely to the Julia half of the story – drawn from her memoir My Life In France, written with her great-nephew, Alex Prud’homme. Meryl Streep’s incarnation of Julia, executed with the greatest of ease and wit, is nothing short of amazing. What more is there to say about Streep who by virtue of exceeding herself, has gone and done it again. All one can really do is sit back, enjoy the ride.

Just when you think it can’t get better, in steps Tucci.

Last seen together in The Devil Wears Prada, Streepe and Tucci make magic. It’s subtle, quiet, mature, but magic nevertheless. The atypical chemistry between Julia and Paul would be enough to sustain an entire movie. Whether it’s watching them savor a sole meunière or publicly toast their love for each other  (Paul: “You are the butter on my bread”), the couple’s moments together are as pleasurable to watch as Julia’s journey from lost housewife to career woman extraordinare.

Which brings me to another thing I liked about Julie and Julia. Finally, a comedy about women who are NOT looking for love or the perfect man.

Both women have found love and husbands supportive of their talents. Both women derive comfort from food. Both women strive to attain their goals and ultimately achieve the recognition they deserve.

And if by this stage you are tearing your hair out and yelling, but what the hell does this have to do with Butch and Sundance? Well, I’m almost there.

Now we get to the weaker half of the film…

Julie’s story. Without subtracting from Julie Powell’s writing (have yet to read her memoir, Julie & Julia, but I do enjoy her blog – http://juliepowell.blogspot.com) or Adams’ amiable performance (to compare her with Streep would be cruel and unjust), the Julie part of the film is no match for its counterpart.

From the quaint and authentic streets of Paris, to a dingy apartment above a pizza shop in Queens. From an unconventional marriage and a character larger than life itself, to a young couple who are finding themselves let alone each other, and a character so forgetful, she almost blends into the dreariness of her surroundings… There is just no comparison.

But still, there’s a save.

This uneven journey is worth subjecting oneself to on one condition – that they meet at the very end and that the nature of their meeting is something unique, authentic.

Seeing as this is an Ephron film, I have no doubt they will.

But they don’t. Julie and Julia never meet. Julie gets word that Julia doesn’t like her and that is the extent of it.

Here’s what Julie Powell has to say about it in her blog:

“A lot of people have been asking whether it’s true that Julia Child wasn’t a big fan of Julie Powell, and whether she and I really didn’t meet. Both of those things are true – Julia, I think, from what I gather, was less irritated than simply uninterested.”

Okay, so they didn’t meet in real life. So what?

It is more than likely that Butch and Sundance returned to the United States and spent the rest of their lives retiring in peace. But Goldman knew that would make a shitty ending, so he resorted to something dramatic and befitting of his heroes’ journey on the screen.

A stronger Julie story might have improved the film, though even with that, I believe the film would have suffered the same fate given the same ending.

What sustained me was the anticipation of an answer to what I assumed was the dramatic question of the story – what will happen when they meet? I assumed they would meet or it would defeat the purpose of all that to-ing and fro-ing.

Even in that dreadful bore of a film, The Hours, the characters were linked at the end, which provided for some much-needed context.

To leave a connection between two characters with something as nebulous as a blog is unsatisfying to say the very least.

As Goldman said in Adventures In The Screen Trade, “The most important minutes of any screenplay are the first fifteen – just as the most important minutes of any film are the last fifteen.”

And so, despite the marvelous treatment of Julia Child’s story, Streep’s tour de force performance, and the best on-screen chemistry of the year between Streep and Tucci, the last fifteen minutes let me down like a deflated souffle and thus was I unable to fully embrace Julie & Julia.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Penguin Classics Too Raunchy For Australia Post

In WTF! on October 16, 2009 at 1:58 pm

History of Sexuality: Volume 1: Popular Penguins

Two weeks ago, the staff of 848 Australia Post Shops (PostShop) across the country, were reportedly ordered to remove three Penguin Classics from their shelves.

Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita, Anais Nin’s The Delta of Venus and Michel Foucault’s The History of Sexuality.

According to ninemsn, “the titles were currently being kept ‘out the back’ and would soon be returned to publisher Penguin Books.” – http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/875600/australia-post-bans-literature-classics

D.H. Lawrence fans, fret not. Lady Chatterley’s Lover remains on shelves. Though I’m guessing it’s days are numbered.

And why not? Check out these saucy passages…

He was a curious and very gentle lover, very gentle with the woman, trembling uncontrollably, and yet at the same time detached, aware, aware of every sound outside.

To her it meant nothing except that she gave herself to him. And at length he ceased to quiver any more, and lay quite still, quite still. Then, with dim, compassionate fingers, she stroked his head, that lay on her breast.

To say nothing of explicit passages about “fucking”. Why, on one page he even drops the C-word – not once, not twice, but SIX times.

Forget about returning the book to its publisher. Somebody burn it!

God forbid nanna should chance upon Lady Chatterley’s “breasts” – let alone “cunt” – whilst picking out Possum Magic for the grand kids.

Which is precisely why the banished books were deemed “inappropriate for a mainstream shop like Australia Post,” according to Australia Post spokesman Alex Twomey.

“It was purely a decision around whether it fitted our stores. That also extends to DVDs and many other different products,” Twomey told Crikey.com.au.

Or was it a decision based on the complaints of a few customers concerning “inappropriate content”?

Perhaps someone flicked through Delta of Venus and chanced upon this…

“You’re beautiful, Maria,” said the deep voice, and Evelyn kept her arms around her. Maria wanted to float away, but she was held by the warmth of the water, the constant touch of her friend’s body. She let herself be embraced. She did not feel breasts on her friend, but, then, she knew young American women she had seen did not have breasts. Maria’s body was languid, and she wanted to close her eyes.

Suddenly what she felt between her legs was not a hand but something else, something so unexpected, so disturbing that she screamed. This was no Evelyn but a young man, Evelyn’s younger brother, and he had slipped his erect penis between her legs. She screamed but no one heard, and her scream was only something she had been trained to expect of herself. In reality his embrace seemed to her as lulling and warming and caressing as the water. The water and the penis and the hands conspired to arouse her body. She tried to swim away. But the boy swam under her body, caressed her, gripped her legs, and then mounted her again from behind.

Or perhaps they decided to open Lolita

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.

I mean let’s get something straight here. This man is talking about over a 12 year old girl – pervert.

I mean, geez. Talk about filth.

And what, pray tell, does that have to do with Cat In The Hat?

Or the female sexual encounters in Delta Of Venus, with Jamie Oliver in Italy?

Or The History of Sexuality, a study of the repression of human sexuality, with the Jodi Picoult Collection?

The same thing other PostShop items like picnic baskets, smoke alarms and Last Will kits have to do with stamps, I guess. Absolutely nothing.

Okay, okay, I get it.

The Miss Marple DVD Collection, the latest Il Divo CD, books on how to make money – mainstream.

Literary tales of sexuality – not mainstream.

A legal preparation of death – appropriate.

A study of sexuality – inappropriate.

Right.

What century are we in again? And what culture is this?

Just checking.

The Pressure…

In Right Here Right Now on October 11, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Barack Obama standing in front of the American flag: Nobel Prize: Ten famous peace prize winners

Photo: GETTY

OBAMA WINS NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

“I do not view it as a recognition of my own accomplishments but rather an affirmation of American leadership on behalf of aspirations held by people in all nations.”

That is what I said in the Rose Garden of the White House.

This is what I was thinking in the Rose Garden of the White House.

What d’you go and do that for, you goddamn crazy Europeans!

Haven’t I got enough on my plate?

The pressure, the pressure…

Isn’t it enough that I’m chatting to Gaddafi, Ahmadinejad, Jay Leno?

Isn’t it enough I had to blow off the Dalai Llama so I can suck up to the Chinese cuz we owe ‘em a little cash -  a few trillion dollars last time we counted? Huh?

Isn’t it enough I got landed with two bad-ass wars which either way I go, I’m screwed?

The pressure, the pressure…

What the hell were you thinking over there in cuckoo Scandinavia?

Couldn’t you have given it to Sarkozy? All he’s got to worry about are bad polls, his wife’s designer clothes, and his culture minister paying some young boys to have sex with him.

Like there wasn’t enough partisan and bi-partisan bullshit going down in the first place.

Now you have ‘em all in agreement – not only do I not deserve this, I got it cuz I’m black?

The pressure, the pressure…

Not only do we have them in agreement, we got the Taliban, Hamas, Israeli militants and Rush Limbaugh in agreement as well?

Well, glad I could be of service… Fruitcakes of the World Unite.

What next?

The Pope gonna canonize me?

“Saint Obama” on the basis of Encouragement, with Hopes I will not only convert to Catholicism, but by the time I’m done, will end two world wars, bring nuclear disarmament, stop climate change, restore the national and global economy, end unemployment, fix health care and bring world peace forever and ever, Amen?

Geez-Louise. Somebody got a smoke?

How ’bout a goddamn light!

Or maybe I don’t need one anymore? Maybe I can light a nicotine inhaler with my mind. Blow fire out of my goddamn nostrils.

Somebody throw me a Prize for that.

“Encourage” me.

Geez…

Mao’s Last Dancer – A Screenwriter’s Task

In My Two Cents Worth, The Write Stuff on October 10, 2009 at 2:56 am

It’s been a strange week at the movies.

I went to see Up with hopes of some Pixar fun and cheer, but left hopelessly forlorn. (See Why Up Took Me Down).

I went to see Mao’s Last Dancer expecting a hard-hitting political drama about a ballet dancer who defects from his homeland, China to the United States, but left instead with glossy cliches of American “freedom” and a saccharine-drenched ending to an overall saccharine-drenched movie.

Perhaps Bruce Beresford, director of Mao’s Last Dancer, and John Lasseter, Disney and Pixar Animation Chief Creative Officer, should swap.

Beresford take on children’s animation, Lasseter tackle the somber dramas.

Perhaps it’s me. Perhaps where movies are concerned, I am emotionally dyslexic. Where I should find them harsh, find them mushy. Where I should find them uplifting, find them downright depressing.

I won’t delve into an in-depth review except to say this – okay, just a little one. It felt like three movies rolled into one. Schmaltzy doesn’t even begin to describe it. And as far as politics go – China bad, America good. It was as simple and stilted as that.

Misgivings aside, the ballet was stunning (and I’m no ballet fan). And those who loved the book might well appreciate the film’s attempt to stay true to the essence of Li’s journey.

What I’d like to do is share a talk I recently attended involving Jan Sardi, screenwriter of Mao’s Last Dancer and films such as Shine, The Notebook and Love’s Brother.

Here are some things he had to say about condensing a 700-page autobiography into a 2-hour long film:

  • “I believe in having a good strong story… You can’t really waste a moment, you’ve got to keep it going.”
  • “You’ve got to find the story within the story but certain things can’t change.”
  • “Once you decide what your character’s journey is, that’s what you stick with.”
  • “I wanted to take the audience on the journey from the very beginning, right to the end.”
  • “I try not to bring in any distractions from what the emotional through line is.”
  • “It’s also about – How do you engage an audience with their imagination and get them to fill in the blanks?”
  • “How is it possible to be true to yourself and at what cost? – That is the dramatic question.”
  • “It’s about life’s journey and how to find one’s self. That’s what all stories are really about.”
  • “A screenplay is like a piece of music. You have a theme – you plant a seed, you water it, and you keep watering it.”
  • “It’s about rhythm. The way the story unfolds.”
  • “You have to know when to have key changes and make sure those little themes build into a big finale.”

It was a pleasure to hear Sardi speak about the importance of emotional resonance as opposed to the mundane jargon you normally get about beats, arcs and formulaic structure.

Also intriguing was the fact that Sardi wrote Shine, the true story about pianist David Helfgott (Geoffrey Rush), to Rachmaninov’s Piano Concerto No. 3 – a piece that featured significantly in the film and the life of Helfgott himself. According to Sardi, listening to the concerto as he wrote the screenplay, kept him “emotionally informed.”

There are a couple of things that jolted me out of Mao’s Last Dancer. None of which were under Sardi’s control.

As wonderful an actress as Joan Chen is, I just couldn’t buy her – with the flawless skin and perfect teeth – as Li’s poverty-stricken mother.

And if you’re going to shoot Houston in Sydney, then you should at least change the road signs.

The devil as they say, is in the details.

By the time I noticed Joan Chen’s white teeth and the “Darling Street” sign in the background, I was out.

No deftly handled script or heart-string tugging music and choreography could persuade me otherwise.

Deadly Sleepover Awaits Sentence

In Right Here Right Now on October 8, 2009 at 10:21 pm

There’s a court case in Sydney right now which I follow with sad anticipation.

December last year, a 14-year-old boy shot dead his best friend, Josef Cruikshank, with a pump action shot gun during a sleepover.

The shooting since described as “a bad joke gone wrong”, has seen the father of the accused sentenced to 2 years and 4 months on firearm charges. The boy – who remains unidentified for legal reasons, faces a maximum penalty of 25 years in prison, if convicted.

During the court hearing on Wednesday, October 7, at the NSW District Court in Campbelltown, Josef’s mother, Rosemary, described how she had become withdrawn since her son’s death. “I have been nauseous on a daily basis.”

“Having known the family for a long time, I have never thought that he would be unsafe there,” she said.

After the shooting in 2008, the victim’s mother is said to have pleaded with police not to charge the accused. She said she didn’t want to see another life destroyed.

According to an article in The Sydney Morning Herald by Patrick Caruana on October 7:

The court was told the two boys acted in fear when they saw a man outside the house and retrieved a shotgun from the accused’s father’s wardrobe.

The accused went to check the gun was loaded by depressing the trigger while it was aimed at Josef.

“This is a case where the father has left a loaded shotgun in the house where there were children,” Judge Martin Sides said.

The accused’s mother told the court her son had not been the same since the shooting and she had found suicide letters in his room.

“He hides himself in his room … he’s just sad all the time,” she said.

The court heard the boy is suffering acute post-traumatic stress disorder.

His lawyer, Richard Pontello, said the boy would suffer for the rest of his life because of the incident.

“The act of negligence itself involved a momentary, juvenile, poor judgment with very tragic consequences,” Mr Pontello told the court.

“But it was almost a split-second lapse of judgment.”

- AAP

A family shrine of   Josef Cruikshank  at his home.A family shrine of Josef Cruikshank at his home.
Photo: Brendan Esposito
——————————————————————————————————————–


Monday will decide a young boy’s fate. A boy already living the nightmare of his best friend’s death.

Will he be punished for it?

Should he be punished for it?

“A split-second lapse of judgment”. From a 14-year-old boy.

What about a parent’s total absence of judgment?

Sure the father’s copping jail time – which he is appealing. But what was he thinking leaving a loaded gun in an easily accessible location about the house?

What was he thinking leaving a loaded gun in an easily accessible location with a couple of teenage boys about the house?

What was he thinking?

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Monday’s Verdict…

The teenager, dressed in a black suit, was present in court on Monday.

“It would seem to me there is not a strong prosecution case that is available to me in regards to the charge of murder,” Mr Mulroney told the court.

The boy’s legal counsel applied for variations to his bail conditions, which the magistrate granted.

The teenager must report to Camden police station on Mondays and Thursdays, is under curfew from 9pm to 6am, and must remain at his family’s home during those times.

During daylight hours he must be in the presence of his mother, father or grandfather.

Mr Mulroney adjourned the case until March 2.

The boy’s father has been charged with four firearms offences and is on conditional bail to appear in Camden Local Court on January 21.

-AAP

Hey Hey Black Face Controversy

In WTF! on October 8, 2009 at 3:51 am

Controversial ... a screengrab from last night's Hey Hey It's Saturday.

Hey Hey condemned over Jackson Jive slur

The Nine Network has attracted condemnation over the racial overtones of a skit performed during a live broadcast of Hey Hey It’s Saturday.

US singer Harry Connick jnr, who made a guest appearance on the Wednesday evening reunion special, has slammed the network for allowing the skit to take place during the talent segment Red Faces.

During the skit, five men were covered in black face paint and black wigs and re-enacted their skit Jackson Jive, which appeared years ago when Hey Hey was originally on air.

The Michael Jackson character this time had his face painted white.

Connick jnr was one of the judges of the segment and took offence at the act, giving it a zero.

A backstage source said that Connick jnr nearly walked off before the show was over.

He expressed his disgust to the show’s host Daryl Somers and it was arranged for Connick jnr to voice his concerns at the end of the show.

“Thanks Daryl – and I just wanted to say on behalf of my country, I know it was done in humour … but we have spent so much time trying to not make black people look like buffoons, that when we see something like that we take it really to heart,” Connick jnr said.

During last night’s Red Faces segment, Somers said the contestants had appeared on the show 20 years ago with the same act.

The group, who were medical students at the time, had won the segment.

Last night, the performer playing Michael Jackson told Somers he now works as a plastic surgeon.

The other members of the group said they were also working as medical professionals, including a radiologist, a cardiologist and a psychologist.

Online response

The online response to last night’s segment was mixed, with some viewers coming out in support of Connick jnr.

“Well done to the guy for not just sitting there through that crap,” one Twitter user said.

“Oz is copping it hard with this whole Harry Connick ‘blackface’ thing. Anyone with 1/2 a brain knows its wrong,” another said.

Another added: “Big up Harry Connick Jr. for saying something and not just going along with it.”

But others on Twitter disagreed with Connick jnr’s stance.

“If painting your face black is racist well then I’m the biggest racist of them all! What a waste of space,” one said.

“So Harry Connick has gone down a peg in my estimation” another said.

“And the award for the PC gone mad, douche of the day award goes to…Harry Connick Jnr.”

Last night’s broadcast was the second of two reunion shows for Hey Hey, which went off air in 1999, and talk has circulated about bringing the show back.

Last Wednesday’s reunion broadcast peaked at 2,640,000 across the five major city markets.

The Nine Network said in a statement today: “It was never intended to offend and we regret any offence the Red Faces act caused.”

-AAP and Thomas Hunter

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Should Harry Connick Jr. have walked off the show? Or was he over-reacting?

Insensitive and offensive? Or harmless fun?

I am not white. I am not black. But I’ll say this much.

I found that about as funny as a kick in the head.

WTF was Jackie thinking giving them a 7?

WTF was Daryl thinking showing a replay of the same act 20 years back?

WTF was the network thinking letting that go to air?

But – you might protest, the audience clapped and cheered and seemed genuinely entertained.

Sure they did, they were all white.

10 Things I’ve Learned About Blogging So Far

In Networking & Social Media on October 6, 2009 at 4:47 am

Warning: This is just a personal account of my blogging experience so far and in no way serves as a How To for aspiring Bloggers. There are people out there who have been doing this way longer who know heaps more than me. (Check out my blog roll and links)

1. Just because I’m a writer doesn’t mean I have to write about it.

When I started this blog – just a few months ago, I thought being a writer meant I had to write about it or at least post what I was writing. One day it hit me – DUH. It’s my blog. I can write what I damn well like.

2. Just because you post it, doesn’t mean it will be read.

I used to get upset that no one was reading what I had to say, much less commenting on it. It got to a point where I thought, Either I scrap this shit or take it all the way. So I deleted my first half dozen posts, read up on blogging and what people were looking for when they read blogs – not that I was going to cater to that but it was good to know. Then I had a real good think about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. And started again.

3. If you don’t tell anyone you’ve posted something, they won’t know you’ve posted it.

This is similar to #2 except that it has to do with letting people know, as opposed to content.

For some naive and egotistical reason, I thought people would know about my blog – just like that. You know, they would go through their normal routine of browsing through The New York Times, Huffington Post, maybe Deadline Hollywood and then say to themselves, Hey, I wonder what’s going on at ModernDayStoryteller. Coz… Well, just coz.

Uh, Wake up and smell the coffee, Karen. You’re a friggin’ nobody who is writing a blog like every other person on this planet. And NOBODY knows you’re writing it. Which is when it occurred to me I had to let them know. And when I did, some people were kind enough to drop in.

4. I’m not A How To Person.

I’ve noticed that a lot of popular blogs are big on How To’s.

How To Earn A Million Dollars From The Comfort Of Your Home. How To Write Like Aaron Sorkin In 30 Days. How To Snag A Guy in 5 Seconds At A Crowded Smokey Bar. There’s usually a time factor attached to these – everyone’s looking for short cuts.

I can barely show my eight year-old how to tie her laces, let alone tell people I’ve never met how to… What do I show them how to do? Choose a good bottle of wine? Beat every red light on their street without copping a fine? Tell Kevin Rudd jokes?

5. It Doesn’t Have To Be War And Peace.

I used to waffle on like Tolstoy and Dostoevsky put together, without the profundity or the poetry or the talent. As you probably know by now, I’m not the quickest gal off the mark, so this also took a while to sink in. It doesn’t have to be long if you don’t want it to be. It can be a list, a quote, a fart, a burp. One line, one word, one comma, if you so wish. Er, wouldn’t recommend the comma – not sure many will get the significance of abstract punctuation.

6. It Requires Dedication.

Blogging ain’t easy. Once the ball starts rolling, you have to keep it rolling. You can’t just stop. Or you can, and then it’s dead and defeats the purpose of having a blog. And so you realize that like everything else, it requires dedication.

7. It’s Not A One Way Street.

I used to think it was just like writing a book or a magazine, but online. But a good post is like a great conversation starter. People are compelled to post a comment when they have something to say about what you had to say. And you can reply to their comment, and they to yours and so on. Blogging is a basis of discussion. But you’re more than welcome to disagree. Just post your comment and I’ll reply!

8. It’s loads of fun and I really enjoy it.

9. If you write it, post it.

I wrote a piece on feedback ages ago which I never posted. A personal account of a writing group I attended. I just didn’t think people would be interested in reading about what went on in my writing group.

Then I decided to post it. To be honest, I was stuck for material and suddenly remembered this thing I wrote way back called – Feedback: Is Honesty The Best Policy? It got thrice as many visits and comments than any of the other posts. Many writers related to it or had been in similar situations, and I got lots of good feedback on Twitter as well. (Shit, I’m writing about blogging and twitter? Is this me?)

Anyway, my point is – If you write it, might as well post it. Or you’ll never know.

10. You are what you blog.

I think this is true in so far as – whatever you choose to write or share, is what matters to you at this particular point in time.

Once I realized I could post pretty much anything I wanted, I started reviewing movies and spewing my thoughts on just about anything that got to me.

I used to say I wasn’t a political person. Then I wrote my thoughts on Afghanistan – not because I chose to, but because I HAD to. And before I knew it, found my link on some search engine on CNN – under Controversial and Thought-Provoking Blogs. Which I found kind of amusing. Controversial? Thought-Provoking? Me?

But this is when it occurred to me. I had something to say and I said it.

This is why I blog.

Why “Up” Took Me Down

In My Two Cents Worth on October 5, 2009 at 1:18 am

Is it just me or was Up hopelessly depressing?

Warning: This is not a review – just after thoughts of a movie that I had hoped would cheer me up but did quite the opposite.

Went to see Up with the kids yesterday to mark the start of term break – the movie only recently premiered in Australia.

The cinema was packed. Had heard great things. And while the kids loved every minute of it, never have I found a Pixar/Disney movie so morose.

Here’s what happens within the first 30 minutes:

1. As a young boy, Carl Fredericksen dreams of being an adventurer like his idol – explorer Charles Muntz – which leads him to Ellie, a spirited young girl with dreams of venturing to South America. But instead of going on adventures, they end up getting married – Uh, death.

2. Carl buys Ellie the abandoned house they met in and they end up spending the rest of their lives there – Uh, prison sentence.

3. They try to save up for Ellie’s dream of going to Paradise Falls in the jungles of South America, only to spend every last penny on mundane expenses like the car, house, hospital… SIGH.

4. They dream of babies through shapes in clouds but she has a miscarriage which leaves her unable to have any more babies. DOUBLE SIGH.

5. They get old in literally a blink of an eye and before they know it, they haven’t been on any adventures – not one. It’s just them, no kids, no grand kids. Alone in the same old house.

6. Ellie gets sick and dies – I’m bawling like a baby.

7. Carl becomes a cantankerous old man super-attached to his house, the mailbox – anything that serves as a reminder of Ellie.

8. We find his house in the midst of a construction site at the helm of an evil developer.

9. The evil developer tries to bully Carl into selling the house but he doesn’t have to when Carl is charged for being “a menace to society” after bashing a guy who accidentally ran over Carl and Ellie’s mailbox.

10. Carl gets evicted from his house and convicted to a nursing home.

Did I mention all this happens within the first 30 minutes?

As I said before, this is not a review. Up is most amazingly crafted like only Pixar can. Masterfully executed like only Pixar can. And just breathtaking to watch.

But even when Carl ties helium balloons to his chimney and floats towards Paradise Falls, I’m still wondering what could possibly lift me from this terrible downer?

The answer? Nothing.

The movie doesn’t get any cheerier.

Here’s why:

1. Carl’s idol, Edward Muntz – who has been hiding out in the jungles of South America since being declared a fraud, turns out to be a ruthless murderer who has spent his time in exile trying to snare an exotic bird. The capturing of which Muntz hopes will spell his triumphant return to the ‘civilized’ world.

2. Muntz is aided by a pack of  mean dogs with collars that control them and make them speak – Uh, freaky.

3. Carl finds Ellie’s old adventure book and instead of pictures of South America, discovers photos of their marriage? I don’t think so. When they met, Ellie was an extroverted young girl, bubbling with life and plans to see the world. The woman was just trying to make her husband feel okay about robbing her of her entire friggin’ life.

4. Russel, the over-zealous Wilderness Explorer scout, who unwittingly finds himself on the front porch when the house lifts off, turns out to be a single child of a single mum, whose dad never shows up when he promises to – Geez.

5. Carl and Russel find the bird Muntz spent his life hunting. Russel befriends the bird whom he calls Kevin who turns out to be a mum (lol – okay, that was funny) but now Muntz is after them and at one stage, even sets fire to the house. – Horror!

5. Carl loses the house but steals the blimp of his ex-idol, Muntz – who no longer exists because Carl killed him.

Put it this way, the more sugar-coated it got, the more I felt like crap.

But you’ve got to hand it to Pixar. They never down play to kids. They never cheat the audience. It’s always first rate storytelling with loads to say.

Later, on the way home, my daughter asked me what had been my favorite Pixar movie growing up. To which I responded, we didn’t have Pixar growing up.

What? No Pixar? – she balked. I can’t imagine my life without Pixar! – Said without a shred of irony.

Okay, so the kids loved Up.

But me? I would’ve been better off watching My Sister’s Keeper with Abigail Breslin and Cameron Diaz, about a young girl suffering from leukemia.

At least with that you know what to expect. It doesn’t have a bunch of colorful balloons against a clear blue sky, alluding to anything else.

The Tides of Sorrow

In Right Here Right Now on October 2, 2009 at 4:22 am
ABC correspondent Kerri Ritchie reported last night – on ABC News Australia, that while the annihilation in Samoa has left her overwhelmed, it’s the little things that plague her.

She described a sprinkling of little pink Croc sandals – that the children were so fond of wearing – scattered throughout mud-swept streets, amidst the ruins.

Grown-ups wandering dazed as they mutter over and over, Where are the children? Where are the children? A village once filled with their sounds, now deafeningly devoid of them.

All week, we have witnessed havoc, destruction and rising death tolls as a tsunami caused by an undersea earthquake struck Samoa and American Samoa, and the next day, an earthquake with a magnitude of 7.6 rocked the island of Sumatra, in Indonesia.

Today, Oct 2nd, the death toll in Samoa stands at 155, while in Indonesia, John Holmes, the U.N.’s humanitarian chief, set the death toll at 1,100 and said that number was expected to rise.

You read things like:

“I was scared. I was shocked,” said Didi Afuafi, 28, who was on a bus when the giant waves came ashore on American Samoa. “All the people on the bus were screaming, crying and trying to call their homes. We couldn’t get on cell phones. The phones just died on us. It was just crazy.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/30/samoa-tsunami-in-south-pa_n_303994.html

And this in Indonesia, where 500 buildings – including schools, hospitals, hotels and a mall in Padang were struck down:

One focus for emergency workers was a collapsed 4-story concrete building in downtown Padang, where 30 children had been taking classes when the quake struck. Four students were found alive and six bodies were dug from the rubble. Dozens were missing, said Jamil, a volunteer. “It’s getting very difficult now to find more victims,” he said.

Parents of missing students stayed up all night, waiting for signs of life.

“My daughter’s face keeps appearing in my eyes … my mind. I cannot sleep, I’m waiting here to see her again,” a woman who identified herself only as Imelda said, tears rolling down her face. She said her 12-year-old daughter Yolanda was in the school for science lessons.

“She is a good daughter and very smart. I really love her. Please, God help her,” she said.

-Associated Press

Disasters of such proportion are difficult to wrap our minds around – especially if they are not directly related to us or if we have not experienced them ourselves.

But the little things, the human things, stay to haunt us.

A mother describing a sleepless night spent praying for life under the rubble that was her daughter’s school.

A husband recounting the moment his wife was washed out of his arms.

A father witnessed by neighbors, diving into a black wave to save his children, never to be seen again.

Mud-swept streets dotted with little pink shoes.

The absence of little voices.

The Tide. The Sorrow.

Associated Press Photo/New Zealand Herald, Brett Phibbs

Feedback – Honesty The Best Policy?

In Networking & Social Media, The Write Stuff on September 27, 2009 at 3:37 am

I recently attended a screenwriter’s group where two new members – extremely brave albeit suicidal writers, submitted their work for collective critiquing.

This was my first time too, but I lacked Courage. There wasn’t a chance in hell I’d submit my first draft to a bunch of strangers.

A week before the meeting, all members were sent the first-30 pages of both scripts.

As I read them, began to wonder: I’d never met these people. How straightforward could I be? And what would be the point if I couldn’t be honest?

I decided to make notes and wait till I met the writers in person. For all I knew, they could be psychopaths. After the meeting, I might find them lurking in the shadows of the parking lot – with a knife.

During the meeting I watched closely as others voiced opinions and the writers listened.

The first script was your classic commercial disaster movie. Well structured, but predictable. The characters, gross cliches. Though keeping in mind it was the writer’s first attempt at a screenplay and his first draft, it showed promise.

Going around the circle of a dozen odd members proved to be an interesting exercise.

Some members gave detailed notes and went so far as to suggest another character say such and such line, and what they thought should happen instead of such-and-such on Page 13 and so on. While others went for a broader approach, highlighting what they viewed as strengths and weaknesses.

I thought about what I would find constructive were I that writer.

Some people had comments like This reminds of this movie, which I have never found useful. So my script reminds you of Die Hard 3. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Jump off a building?

One person suggested he throw in lots of red herrings to trick the audience, which I thought was a terrible idea. Is there anything worse than reading a script that takes you up one garden path after another, only to unveil an anti-climax ending which makes you want to simultaneously throw up, scream and strangle the fraud responsible?

Others asked questions which the writer could or couldn’t answer, which I thought was the most useful – in so far as it informed the writer how well he did or didn’t know his characters and story.

Where the writer was concerned, I have to say he was impressively receptive and open. I doubt I would’ve taken some of those comments as well he did. Even when you could tell he didn’t agree, he nodded respectfully and jotted it down. For all we knew, he was telling us all to go screw ourselves, but I doubt it. I got the impression he found the exercise genuinely useful and was taking what he needed – smart.

When my turn came around, I decided to give it to him straight-up. I decided he could take it.

And so praised his formatting, the way in which he set up the world. But told him exactly what I thought about the characters. They were stereotypes,  inauthentic, even racist. They had to drive the action and not the other way round, to which he nodded and scribbled profusely and seemed truly appreciative.

Again, he could have been writing Fuck You. But it didn’t seem like it.

So that went well.

Then we came to the second script, which was in many ways the antithesis to the first. The characters were insightful and sensitively written, but it didn’t read like a script. There was hardly any white space on the page. One character’s dialogue rambled for almost a page. And after 30 pages, I still hadn’t a clue what the protagonist wanted or what the story was about.

As much of an oxymoron as this may sound, it was like reading a David Lynch script that made absolutely no sense.

The feedback started. Around the circle we go.

Now, this writer was a tall quiet woman. Soft-spoken. She had her laptop on her knees and after the previous writer’s feedback, waited in positive anticipation, an optimistic smile on her face.

Until the first member of the group opened his mouth. He held no punches. I thought the characters were boring. Why should I care? Who’s going to make this? Why are you telling this story?

As it continued, relentless, unflinching, I saw that smile vanish from her sweet face. Her head drooped slowly over that keyboard, a wilting flower. Her fingers stood numb. She shrunk right before our very eyes.

I could almost hear her wailing inside and thought to myself, I can’t do it. I can’t tell her what I honestly think.

As we proceeded around the circle, some people who were obviously sympathetic, went easy and focused on the positive. Your writing is beautiful, the description so powerful, I love your use of adjectives in this sentence… Even if some of it screamed Scraping The Barrel, it was worth it just to see her eyes flicker, if only with an ounce of hope.

Others charged on, business as usual. Where is this going? What are you trying to say? What is your character’s goal? To which the poor writer whispered, She wants to escape.

By the time my turn came around, it was obvious this writer had come here for very different reasons to the first one.

She had not come to listen to straightforward comments and ruthless questions about her work. She had come for a pat on the back, maybe some validation. The first writer hadn’t required validation. He wanted frank thoughts and got just what he needed.

I decided to give the second writer what she needed. Encouragement. Then pointed out her script didn’t look like a script and the formatting, all wrong. But this came after a string of positives and so she took it with a smile and even laughed when I suggested there might be something wrong with her Final Draft software and if so, she was entitled to a refund.

However, when the session came to an end and the group adjourned to the local pub to say what they really thought – ha, the second writer’s absence was duly noted.

Apparently she had another function to attend but I didn’t buy it. Somehow I held an image of her, huddled in fetal position in the dark, burning her script, slashing her wrists.

A fellow writer checked on her the next day and though recovering, she is very much alive and kicking.

Whether or not she shows up to more meetings remains to be seen.

And will she share her work again? I hope so.

What We Woke Up To This Morning

In Right Here Right Now on September 22, 2009 at 11:23 pm
A man takes a photograph of the just visible Sydney Opera House as a dust storm blankets the city Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Dust storms in Australia
At 6.00 this morning, I opened my eyes to find a glow of red seeping through the gaps in my blinds.

My daughter burst into the room – Look Outside!

A deathly reddish-orange rage. Trees trashing. No sky.

Oh my god, I muttered. It’s the end of the world. My daughter hugged me tight, giggling nervously.

Just last night, I posted my thoughts on the war in Afghanistan and quotes from Apocalypse Now on my blog. And today, North Korea? Armageddon?

We turned on the TV and for the first time since cable, made our way to the Weather Channel.

Dust storm in Sydney. From the outback. Predicted to be the largest dust storm the city has ever seen. Ever.

Flights canceled. Motorists warned to go slow on roads. People with respiratory ailments advised to stay in.

My daughter cheers. She’s asthmatic. She’s gone from We’re Going To Die to Yay No School! And we haven’t even had breakfast.

Outside it still looks like the end of the world. But it’s not.
A surfer heads for the water as a dust storm blankets Bondi Beach in Sydney, September 23, 2009.

A surfer heads for the water at Bondi Beach. (AAP: Tracey Nearmy)

Orange haze over Sydney from Simon Vrdoljak
news.com.au reader Simon Vrdoljak sent in this photo of a Sydney street.

Afghanistan Alarm

In Right Here Right Now on September 22, 2009 at 2:06 pm

I am no military or political expert, but I am a member of the human race.

Call me negative but Obama’s deployment of an additional 21 000 troops in Afghanistan since his arrival in the White House and a recent leak by The Washington Post of an assessment submitted by top US and NATO commander in Afghanistan, General Stanley McChrystal, has left me with a sinking feeling of alarm and disbelief.

States McChrystal:

Failure to gain the initiative and reverse insurgent momentum in the near-term, while Afghan security capacity matures, risks an outcome where defeating the insurgency is no longer possible.

According to David Corn in his article “Lost In Afghanistan” http://bit.ly/Juvw1 – Mother Jones, 22nd September 2009 :

McChrystal doesn’t sugercoat. He notes the “overall situation is deteriorating”—thanks to the resilience of a growing insurgency and a loss of confidence among Afghans in their own government and the international community—but he does state that some form of victory is possible, with those extra resources and a profound shift in strategy toward counterinsurgency operations that emphasize building connections between the Afghan populace and US, NATO, and Afghan security forces. “The key takeaway,” he writes, is an “urgent need for a significant change to our strategy and the way that we think and operate.”

First major concern:

1. The need for “additional military and civilian forces”

According to The New York Times, a new counter-insurgency strategy aimed at protecting the local Afghan population, could require up to 45 000 troops.

WTF.

Not only is Obama swiftly losing support within his country for what is being dubbed “Obama’s War”, leaders of allied countries seem also to have lost their resolve.

Last week, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper stated he had made it clear to President Obama that Canada’s withdrawal date stood unchanged.

“In 2011, we will have been in Afghanistan almost as long as we were in the two world wars combined,” Harper said. “I think in this time frame we’ve just got to see some results from the Afghan government on the ground as it pertains to their own security.”

Even our own Australian Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, who has in the past expressed passionate support for “the cause in Afghanistan” and added troop numbers to a total of 1550 this year, showed reluctance at the prospect of an increased Australian presence in the Oruzgan province.

“We believe that our current commitment’s about right,” he said, prior to this week’s talks with President Obama. Which is Rudd-speak for “Not a bloody chance.” Needless to say, Rudd’s approval ratings over Afghanistan has also deteriorated.

Adding more troops to obliterate the Taliban which the U.S. helped fund during the Mujahideen wars in the 1980’s – by 1987,  a reported 65,000 tons of U.S.-made weapons and ammunition a year were entering the war – would be like killing all skinheads to wipe out Neo-Nazism. Granted, war is not an easy thing to end – especially where the safety and welfare of civilian populations are concerned. Which is why it should be a last resort, not the first.

When referring to the presence of US and NATO forces -known as ISAF, International Security Assistance Forces – McChrystal holds no punches:

ISAF is a conventional force that is poorly configured… inexperienced in local languages and culture, and struggling with challenges inherent to coalition warfare. These intrinsic disadvantages are exacerbated by our current operational culture and how we operate.

ISAF has not sufficiently studied Afghanistan’s peoples whose needs, identities and grievances vary from province to province and from valley to valley. This complex environment is challenging to understand, particularly for foreigners.

Which brings me to my next concern:

How is it possible that a report such as this, which clearly states the U.S. and its allied forces have been doing things WRONG, comes only after EIGHT YEARS of a war that has been budgeted to cost Australia $1.2 billion in 2009-10, and has cost the U.S. a mind-boggling 440 BILLION DOLLARS?

McChrystal has offered solutions:

We must do things dramatically differently – even uncomfortably differently – to change how we operate, and also how we think.

Our strategy cannot be focused on seizing terrain or destroying insurgent forces; our objective must be the population.

In the struggle to gain the support of the people, every action we take must enable this effort.

Uh, Duh.

After 8 years of war and US440 billion in military spending, you would think somebody from some administration might have realized that.

The arrogance of the West. Out of the frying pan into the fire. Will they ever learn?

In Dec 1979, Soviet President Leonid Brezhnev ordered the initial deployment of the 40th Army to war in Afghanistan against the Islamist Mujahideen. Over nine years later, on May 15, 1989, the final troop withdrawal from Afghanistan was completed under Soviet’s last leader Mikhail Gorbachev. There is a reason this conflict is referred to as “The Soviets’ Vietnam.”

My feeling towards this war that Bush started and Obama has vowed to finish, is as J.D. Longstreet on Faultline USA put it: http://bit.ly/162kMw:

Get the hell out of Afghanistan!

10 Things I Hate About Writer’s Block

In The Write Stuff on September 18, 2009 at 1:19 am

1. Never see it coming.

2. Happens for no goddamn reason.

3. No foreseeable solution.

4. Seems horribly permanent.

5. Makes me feel like a fraud.

6. Makes me feel like punching a wall.

7. Everything I attempt to write – tweets included – turns to crap.

8. Reading – a cruel reminder of how I can’t write.

9. Unwarranted and unfair – Why me?

10. It’s shapeless, odorless and downright illusive!

Solutions anyone?

I Hate Bullys

In WTF! on September 16, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Beyonce gives Taylor Swift her moment at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards VMA

While many continue to express disgust at Kanye West’s behavior towards Taylor Swift at the Video Music Awards, I find increasing comments to the tune of “Come on guys, it was just a stupid award show. Who cares?”

I care.

That it happened is one thing.

The evasive emotional blackmail that followed on Jay Leno, is another.

So he’s apologized. Great.

But has he explained WHY he did it?

And this is what really IRKS me.

Why did Kanye West crash the acceptance speech of a 17 year old who had won her very first Best Female Video award?

Was he drunk and completely devoid of his senses?

Had she ignored him on the red carpet?

As Dr. Phil stated on Larry King:

He did it because he could.

Would he have snatched that mike from Kelly Clarkson or Katy Perry?

Told Lady Gaga or Pink he thought Beyonce’s video was better?

Sure. In his dreams.

The only good thing to come out of this cowardly act was Girl Power in the form of Beyonce’s acceptance speech, when she took home the award for Video of the Year:

“I remember being 17 years old, up for my first MTV award with Destiny’s Child and it was one of the most exciting moment in my life. So, I’d like for Taylor to come out and have her moment.”

Go sister!

Then there’s Taylor’s grace and restraint throughout it all. You may not care for her music. You may think what happened to her pales in comparison to the trauma of rape or assault victims.

But there is a reason why bullying has been recognized as a distinct offense and why Anti-Bullying Programs are widely implemented in schools.

It is aggressive, belittling, humiliating and simply, NOT ON.

Larry Gelbart – Born To Write Funny

In RIP on September 14, 2009 at 3:26 am

American comedy writer, Larry Gelbart, best known for his work on the M*A*S*H TV comedy series, co-author of the Broadway and West End farce, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To the Forum and nominated Academy Award screenwriter for Tootsie, died on 11 September, at 81, after losing a battle with cancer.

Described by Mel Brooks as “the fastest of fast” and “the wittiest man in the business”, Gelbart embarked on his career at the early age of 16, when he wrote on comedian Danny Thomas’ radio show.

Gelbart’s father, Harry Gelbart, a Los Angeles barber, shaved Thomas every week. When Harry spoke of his son’s writing ambitions, Thomas asked for a work sample and referred the boy to his scriptwriter, Mac Benoff, whom Larry visited after school, to work on jokes.

Gelbart went on to write gags for Bob Hope and Red Buttons, and in the 1950s, secured his first full-time writing job on Sid Caesar’s TV Show, Caesar’s Hour, with the likes of Mel Brooks, Woody Allen, Neil Simon and Carl Reiner.

His first taste of success came with one of the biggest musical hits of the 1960s, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum, which he co-wrote with Burt Shevlove, for which he won a Tony.

On film, Gelbart is best known for 1982’s Tootsie, which he co-wrote with Murray Schisgal. He also wrote the screenplays for Oh, God!, which starred George Burns, Blame It on Rio with Michael Caine and Demi Moore and the 2000 remake of Bedazzled with Elizabeth Hurley and Brendan Fraser. For Tootsie and Oh, God!, he received Oscar nominations.

Gelbart wrote a whopping 97 episodes for TV series M*A*S*H over four seasons.

In 1997, he published his memoir, Laughing Matters: On Writing M*A*S*H, Tootsie, Oh, God! and a Few Other Funny Things.

Gelbart was a contributing blogger at The Huffington Post.

FILE - In this May 13, 1991 file photo, writer Larry Gelbart ...

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One of my favorite scenes from Tootise, is when Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman) tries to tell his agent, George Fields (Sydney Pollack) about Julie (Jessica Lange) – the girl he’s fallen for. Only Julie knows Michael as Dorothy.

MICHAEL: You should have seen the look on her face when she thought I was a lesbian.
GEORGE: “Lesbian”? You just said gay.
MICHAEL: No, no, no – SANDY thinks I’m gay, JULIE thinks I’m a lesbian.
GEORGE: I thought Dorothy was supposed to be straight?
MICHAEL: Dorothy IS straight. Tonight Les, the sweetest, nicest man in the world asked me to marry him.
GEORGE: A guy named Les wants YOU to marry him?
MICHAEL: No, no, no – he wants to marry Dorothy.

GEORGE: Does he know she’s a lesbian?
MICHAEL: Dorothy’s NOT a lesbian.
GEORGE: I know that, does HE know that?
MICHAEL: Know WHAT?
GEORGE: That, er, I… I don’t know.

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Another priceless scene – an earlier one – again between Michael and George, is when George tries to tell Michael, No One Will Hire Him. Period.

MICHAEL: Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?
GEORGE: No, no, that’s too limited… nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either. I can’t even set you up for a commercial. You played a *tomato* for 30 seconds – they went a half a day over schedule because you wouldn’t sit down.
MICHAEL: Of course. It was illogical.
GEORGE: YOU WERE A TOMATO. A tomato doesn’t have logic. A tomato can’t move.
MICHAEL: That’s what I said. So if he can’t move, how’s he gonna sit down, George? I was a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato. Nobody does vegetables like me. I did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. I did the best tomato, the best cucumber… I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass.

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I’m cracking up just copying these lines.

There are no schools or institutions for humor. I guess with funny, you’re either born with it or you’re not. As Gelbart said, “You don’t have humor. It has you.”

Here are more one-liners from Mr. Funny himself: (If you have any more, please let me know)

  • “There is hell. Then there is TV.” – after writing 97 episodes for M*A*S*H.
  • “I just hope they remember to put RIP on my tombstone, and not M*A*S*H… Or maybe it will be R*I*P – with asterisks.”
  • “Never work with an Oscar winner who is shorter than the statue.” – Of Tootsie lead, Dustin Hoffman, with whom Gelbart reportedly had “creative differences,”
  • “There were no footprints in the snow. You weren’t worried about doing something that somebody else had done the night before, because there was no night before.” – About working on Sid Cesar show
  • “Does that mean I can stop exercising?” – an email to a friend, following reports last year that he had died of a massive stroke.
  • “Television is a weapon of mass distraction.”
  • “If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.”
  • “If Hitler is alive, I hope he’s out of town with a musical.”

R*I*P* Larry Gelbart.

9/11: Memories of WTC

In Remembrance on September 11, 2009 at 10:28 pm

I lived across the Hudson, in Jersey City, from 1996-2000.

But as Foreign Arts Correspondent for a magazine back home (Malaysia), spent my days in New York City, reviewing restaurants, plays, movies… A tough job but somebody had to do it.

I caught the PATH train from Grove Street and took either the World Trade Center or the 33rd Street route.

Most of the time, I’d head for the WTC and from there amble my way past the Brooklyn Bridge, through Chinatown where I’d grab a steamed pork bun, then onto Soho and the Village, where I spent most of my time when I didn’t have to be on Broadway. It was, as I said, a tough life.

Sometimes, I’d catch the PATH to the WTC and never leave.

It was a city unto itself. I often found myself passing an entire day at Borders, sifting through books and CDs.

I remember once bumping into a Sarah Ferguson book signing – something on nutrition. And as I threaded my way towards the stairs, caught a glimpse of red hair at a table and heard someone exclaim, “All this traffic for a pork-chop princess promoting a diet book? Go figure!” And I smiled and thought to myself, only in New York.

I remember the first time arriving at the WTC station and feeling shit scared as I looked up at those steep escalators that seemed to stretch on forever.

In addition to a fear of heights, I had visions of a fire or an electricity shortage and somehow being stuck halfway, then trampled to death by a faceless mass. But I got used to it and eventually, like every other commuter, found myself day dreaming on the way up or down.

A billboard of Connie Chung hovered above us. And once as I was getting off, a couple of punks heading the other way pointed at me and hollered, “Look everyone, it’s Connie Chung!”

Sometimes I worked late  and once, after downing one neat Glenfiddich (my drink of choice at the time) too many, with the kind folk whose bar I’d just reviewed, recall stumbling onto the sidewalk and gazing up at those towers with their twinkling office lights and thinking, Shit, it’s too damn far.

And so proceeded to the Holland Tunnel which seemed at the time the most logical thing to do. I thought if I could just breathe into my scarf the entire way, I might avoid death by fumes and manage a short cut to where I lived – which was literally just outside the tunnel, on the other side.

I barely made it to the entrance when a couple of cops showed up to inform me it was illegal (and not to mention nuts) to walk through the Holland Tunnel, to which I slurred, But I live just there, over the other side.

The cops were adamant – party poopers, and I trudged despondently back towards those towers with their twinkling lights, swearing at them for being so distant. Only the next day did it occur to me the PATH station at Bleecker would’ve been way quicker.

Sadly and reluctantly, I left New York in 2000, to join my husband at the time, who had received a job transfer to Italy. We were expecting a baby.

By 2001, I was back in Malaysia, a single mum and on 9/11/01, my baby was admitted to ICU at a hospital in Kuala Lumpur after months of severe vomiting.

Sitting on the hospital bed and trying to breastfeed a baby that refused to be fed, I clicked on the remote.

The first image to appear on the overhead TV was the first tower, on fire.

Huh, somebody’s finally made a movie of it, I muttered to myself.

As I tried to guess who would star in it – Sylvester Stallone? Bruce Willis? Keanu Reeves? – the phone rang. My father.

Did you see the news about The World Trade Center?

As the doctor arrived to explain why she thought my six-month-old required a 5-hour stomach operation, I gazed at the images flashing behind her, one after another. A nightmare unfolding that would soon change the world…

I felt sick. A somnambulist swirling in something that was all at once too real and un-real.

A plane as a bomb? My favorite city in ashes?

My baby in surgery? On the operating table for 5 hours?

It felt like the end of the world. In many ways, it was.

My thoughts raced to the people I knew who worked in and around the World Trade Center.

I recalled the underground station, those escalators, those twinkling lights. Tried not to picture all those people trapped, plunging to their deaths. Though that is all I could picture.

Later I discovered two friends and colleagues had died.

I haven’t returned to New York since.

Take That McDonalds!

In WTF! on September 9, 2009 at 2:21 am

I refer to this article on www.abc.net.au:-

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/09/08/2680151.htm

The owner of a small roti restaurant in Malaysia has won a court case against global fast food chain McDonald’s over the use of the name McCurry.

For the past eight years McDonald’s has been fighting the proprietors of McCurry, claiming the name of the restaurant breached the fast food giant’s trademark.

Today the Federal Court ruled that McDonald’s did not have exclusive rights to use the prefix ‘Mc’.

The McCurry restaurant serves mainly roti and curries and opened in 1999.

Its logo does not resemble that of the burger chain and the owners say the name is a shortening of Malaysian Chicken Curry.

McDonald’s has no more avenues for appeal.

McCurry’s owners say they will now expand their operations.

McCurry restaurant in Malaysia

The McCurry restaurant serves mainly roti and curries and opened in 1999. (Reuters: Bazuki Muhammad)

What would McDonald’s have done if they’d won?

Go after Grey’s Anatomy for nicknaming their lead hunks McDreamy and McSteamy?

Sue every second business owner in Scotland?

Only, Old McDonald – you know, the one who had a farm with a cluck-cluck here and a cluck-cluck there? – might turn around and counter-sue.

Then we’d have a real McCourt Case on our hands, wouldn’t we?

McCurry, expand away.

As for you, McDonald’s… WTF!

‘Suicidal’ Cows?

In WTF! on September 7, 2009 at 9:41 am

28 COWS mysteriously plunged to their deaths in the Swiss Alps over the course of three days, according to an article in The Daily Mail UK, 28th August 2009.  http://bit.ly/dK31U

Experts say it’s highly unlikely that cows from this part of the world – who are supposed to know a thing or two about heights and big drop-offs – would make such a fatal mistake. And by the dozen.

It’s not like they come from the flat pastures of England or the chaotic streets of Mumbai.

We’re talking cows born and bred on high, vertigo-inducing, snow-capped mountains. It’s like discovering the Olympic swim team drowned in a kids’ swimming pool.

According to scientists, animals are incapable of suicide.

And so the plot thickens.

What would drive our dear bovine friends to such a horrific act?

Was it a pact made between cows? Do they know something we don’t?

Has a wildlife gangland war broken out in the alps? Murder by wolves or bears masked as suicide?

Sad, baffling… WTF!

Dozens of cows bodies litter the valley floor after they mysteriously fell from the alpine cliff many feet above
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Since When Do 13-Year-Olds Call The Shots?

In WTF! on September 7, 2009 at 9:37 am

When 13-year-old Dutch ’sailor’ girl, Laura Drekker, claimed her rights to be the youngest person to sail solo around the world, her parents agreed.

“I want simply to learn about the world and to live freely,” declared Miss Drekker.

It’s taken a court to place the teenager under state care – thus removing her parents’ rights to make decisions for her, to thwart her plans.

Only recently has Laura’s mother, Ms Muller, voiced her concerns to the Dutch daily, De Volkskrant.

Ms Muller – who has limited access to Laura under the terms of her divorce settlement – says she refrained from speaking out earlier for fear of angering her daughter. (Uh, she’s 13. Who calls the shots?)

While Ms Muller expressed full confidence in her daughter’s sailing prowess, she said, “…I see problems when she stays in Third World ports, and in the psychological challenge of being alone at sea…”

So. As long as she keeps to the “civilized” countries and maybe brings a parrot for company, Laura Drekker should be all right?

Stick to the First World ports, Laura. Nothing bad will happen.

Meanwhile, across the Atlantic…

Jaycee Lee Dugard who was only 11 when Phillip Garrido picked her out during a “child shopping trip” – according to his wife, Nancy – fled naked from the monster who had abducted her and raped her for the past 18 years.

In 1991, 11-year-old Jaycee was walking through South Lake Tahoe – the same location as Garrido’s 1976 kidnapping of Katherine Callaway Hall – when Phillip decided he wanted her. She was “cute”.

But she was with a group of school mates.

Garrido and his wife put their plans on hold till the next day.

As Jaycee made her way to the bus stop within visible distance of her house, Nancy jumped out of the car and snatched her, while Phillip stayed behind the wheel.

18 years later, Jaycee Lee Dugard escapes, childhood obliterated, scarred for life. To say nothing of her 2 children fathered by Garrido.

And these idiot parents defend their 13-year-old’s sailing skills and her goddamn rights?

Get real and WTF!

Relevant articles:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8226196.stm

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=8451296

Taking Woodstock – should’ve gone with Basterds

In My Two Cents Worth on September 3, 2009 at 5:10 am

Given the choice between Taking Woodstock and Inglorious Basterds

I had hopes that director Ang Lee’s “light-hearted comedy” – which marks the 40th anniversary of Woodstock and a brief departure from serious drama (Lust Caution, Brokeback Mountain) – might see a return to the family-centric comedies that sparked his career – Pushing Hands, The Wedding Banquet, Eat Drink Man Woman (aka the Father Knows Best trilogy).

Also, a long-time admirer of Ang Lee and James Schamus – the director/writer/producer team behind the Father Knows Best trilogy, The Ice Storm, Sense and Sensibility, I was curious to see the latest fruits of their collaboration.

BUT…

Just because one decides to take a break from “drama”, does not mean the film should be devoid of any.

I mean, really.

Wasn’t 1969’s Woodstock – “3 Days of Peace and Music” – which showcased the likes of Janis Joplin, Joe Cocker, Santana, Sly & the Family Stone, Grateful Dead, Joan Baez and Jimi Hendrix, that drew over 450, 000 people to a pasture in Sullivan County, shut down the New York State Thruway and created one of the country’s worst traffic jams, one of the most exciting and pivotal times in musical history?

Not if this film had anything to do with it.

Granted, Schamus’ screenplay drew from the memoirs of Elliot Tiber – touted the “hero” of Woodstock -  rather than the event itself.

Still, even Tiber in past accounts, has related his experience with more intrigue.

As he wrote in The Times Herald-Record (1994), “Woodstock, like only a handful of historical events, has become part of the cultural lexicon. As Watergate is the codeword for a national crisis of confidence and Waterloo stands for ignominious defeat, Woodstock has become an instant adjective denoting youthful hedonism and 60’s excess. ‘What we had here was a once-in-a-lifetime occurence,’ said Bethel town historian Bert Fledman. ‘Dickens said it first: ‘It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.’ It’s an amalgam that will never be reproduced again.’”

The story of Elliot (played by comedy stand-up Demetri Martin) whose efforts to save his parents’ dying motel unwittingly helped launch Woodstock – which never actually took place in Woodstock but in White Lake, New York, is loaded with comic potential.

As Chamber of Commerce president – a position desired by no one else in his town of Bethel, Elliot has the right to issue permits. When he learns a rock and roll concert has been denied a permit by a neighboring town, Elliot uses his power to shift the concert to White Lake. His aim? To attract customers to the El Monaco Hotel – a flea-infested dive run by his parents (Henry Goodman and Imelda Staunton).

By the time music producer, Michael Lang (a very cool Jonathan Groff) lands on their lawn in a blazing chopper – tailed by an avalanche of lawyers, event organizers and production crews with plans to set up on Max Yasgur’s (played by Eugene Levy in excellent form) 600-acre dairy farm, it is too late for Elliot to consider the implications.

It sounds funny. It should have been funny. If I was being generous, I’d say the first half succeeded to an extent. But overall, funny it was not.

Certainly, there was humor to be had in the character of Elliot who bit off more than he could chew.

But Demetri Martin, though adequate, lacked the charisma to carry a film that relied almost entirely on its lead.  Though that being said, Elliot proved to be the least memorable of all stereotypes.

I say stereotypes, not characters, as that is all they were.

Staunton as the paranoid, guilt-ridden, money-obsessed Russian-Jewish mother, could have come right out of a Dickens novel – Fagin’s wife if he’d had one. Her senseless frugality and Nazi-hating babble, though mildly amusing at first, wore rapidly thin. Ultimately, I found both character and performance offensive. And I’m not Jewish.

Other supporting characters did little to ease the pain.

Liev Schreiber as the cross-dressing ex-Marine who was in charge of Security but ended up baby-sitting Elliot’s dad? Uh, there’s risk-taking, then there’s suicide. What was he thinking?

Emile Hirsch as the gross caricature of a Vietnam Vet stacked with every cliche imaginable – whacked-out hallucinations, unprecedented outbursts, Nam flashbacks. What was HE thinking?

Throw into this, an absence of antagonists, and you have yourself a vexing albeit forgettable snooze fest.

So a few rednecks show up with paint and swastikas, and local gangsters demand protection money. But the rednecks vanish when the hippies arrive in hoards, and the mobsters? Well, Elliot’s mum goes rabid mad and dad fends them off with a baseball bat – which must have been deeply traumatizing as those gangsters never surfaced again. Unless they sneaked in incognito and the sight of Liev Schreiber in dress and heels scared them off – which is all together possible.

Even if you manage to overlook those setbacks and decide to go with Elliot on his illustrative journey, with hopes of catching at least a glimpse of the cataclysmic event and receiving some sort of payback. Well, guess what?

We follow Elliot’s attempts to see the concert three times and the only time we see anything is when everyone and everything is gone, bar the stage – deserted and marooned, in a quagmire of mud.

Sure, Elliot himself missed the concert. Sure, Ang Lee did an admirable job matching shots from Michael Wadleigh’s original Woodstock film which won an Oscar for Best Documentary in 1971.

But when you leave a film feeling like you’ve just awoken from a prolonged coma, the last thing you feel like giving the person responsible for that experience, is praise.

If you have to choose between this film and another – be it a sequel, prequel or remake… The latter.

If for some god forsaken reason you have to watch this movie, bring a pillow.

Insomniacs, forget the Valium. You won’t need it.

Frustrating States of Tara

In My Two Cents Worth on August 27, 2009 at 4:38 am

When it comes to the small screen, I’m a bit of a chick.

Given a choice between Star Trek and Sex And The City, I would gladly choose Ms. Carrie Bradshaw and her Manolo Blahniks over Captain Kirk in his dorky attire. Between Dexter and Grey’s Anatomy? Uh, no brainer. McDreamy hands down.

Blame it on the catatonic state in which I find myself at end of day, but in the comfort of my living room, I am NEVER in the mood for vampires, violence or anything set in space.

And so it was with keen anticipation that I awaited United States of Tara to air in Australia on July 29, on ABC1.

The black comedy about a mother with multiple personalities had all the makings of an insane and surprising TV series.

Almost midway into the series, I am disappointed, to say the least.

Okay. So we know it’s about a woman with dissociative identity disorder (DID) and how she and her family lives with it. Created by Diablo Cody, award-winning screenwriter of Juno which I absolutely loved and is one of my favorite screenplays of all time. Yes! Executive produced by none other than Steven Spielberg? Wow. Starring fellow Aussie, Toni Collette. Only good things can happen, right?

Yeah, right.

In Episode 1, we discover mural painter, Tara Gregson, (Toni Collette) who’s just come off her medication. She faffs around for the most part, disoriented. Her teenage daughter, Kate, (Brie Larson) is verbally abusive and gets away with it. Her almost-out-of-the-closet son, Marshall, (Keir Gilchrist) is introverted to the point of being forgettable. And her husband, Max, (John Corbett) is both loving and supportive though we have no idea why or what he gets out of it. We meet the first alter, old-fashioned housewife, Alice. End of Ep. 1.

You know that feeling you get when you chomp into a hot dog and the sausage falls out and all you’re left with is the stale bun and if you’re lucky, a smidgen of ketchup?

Second episode, another alter – the sex-crazed teenager, T – and more phony lines which don’t make sense and do nothing to move the story or the characters forward. But who cares, it’s so clever.

Yeah, right.

By Episode 3, we’ve met all three alters. The porn-loving Vietnam vet, Buck, is entertaining and Toni Collette is riveting to watch as she switches from one alter to the next. But given that I’ve donated an hour and a half of my time and nothing has really happened – Whoopee Friggin’ Doo.

You know how in soap operas, nothing changes? Take The Bold And The Beautiful. Ten years ago, brothers Ridge and Thorn fought over the same girl, Brooke. Ten years later, guess who they’re still fighting over?

Most shows would have introduced the alters by Ep 1. Some in their opening titles. Why? Because it is the given circumstance and everyone knows it going in. What we’re interested in are the problems that evolve from this point on, the complications that will up the stakes.

There is the threat that Tara’s husband might sleep with her alter, Alice. But it doesn’t happen. There is the threat that Tara’s marriage might be at risk. But that doesn’t seem likely either.  There is the threat of Tara’s sister, Charmaine, (Rosemarie DeWitt) sabotaging Tara’s “well-being” out of sheer jealousy. But again, doesn’t happen.

Against my better judgment, I stuck around for Episode 4. This is when it REALLY got to me.

Firstly, I don’t care I how many personalities I have, if I hear voices and talk to aliens that exist only in the realm of my imagination – if my kid ever spoke to me the way those kids speak to their parents, I would probably disown her. Not only do those kids get away with blue murder, they speak in phony riddles that make you want to shake them and yell, Get Real And Drop The Friggin’ Act.

For all the smart dialogue, Kate and Marshall never manage to escape the cardboard angst-ridden teenager cliche and their scenes serve as nothing more than fillers.

To be fair, the kids aren’t the only pretentious ones.

Everyone on this show speaks in clever crossword sentences. Like they belong to some unspoken club for inverted snobs. Where it’s dumb to say things like other people do and hip to speak in abstract code and abrupt sentences that undermine each other with allusions of intellect. It’s like being invited to a party and showing up only to discover all the doors locked and the curtains drawn. Let me in!

Don’t get me wrong, the writing’s sharp. Cody is a talented writer, there’s no doubt about that.  But whilst there was a warmth and poignancy to the characters in Juno, the opposite prevails in United States of Tara. Here the dialogue drives the characters and as yet, it isn’t clear what motivates the action. Which is okay I guess, seeing as there isn’t any.

For some masochistic reason, I decided to sit through Episode 5 last night.

To my surprise, I didn’t pull my hair out. Nor did I keep checking the time – who knew half an hour could be so long? At one point, I even smiled.

In the previous episode, Tara’s client found her mural destroyed and accused Tara and her alters of the crime. Now Tara and her family are on a mission to find the culprit. A whodunnit with a wicked twist.

My expectations of a truly off-beat black comedy ever so slightly met, I just might – “might” – hang around for another episode and hope, fingers crossed, the phoniness fades and the doors finally open.

Those John Hughes Movies…

In RIP on August 19, 2009 at 2:28 am

I almost called this Snapshots of the 80’s.

When I found out about John Hughes’ death – Aug 6, 2009 – a string of them flashed through my mind.

Starting with

SIXTEEN CANDLES

All right, I’m really giving my age away here, but…

This is the first movie that spoke to the geeky, giggly teenager that I was AND gave me a chance to fawn over my idol of the day, drop-dead spunk and even now, the pretty cool John Cusack – who can’t spell (see earlier post – How Twitter Turned Me Off Cusack) but that’s another matter.

I remember sitting at the back of the Frankston cinema with my girlfriends. Frankston, by the way, is a suburb about 50 minutes from Melbourne, which in the ’80s, was as bogan or white trash as suburbs go. Think acid wash ball-crushers, black moccasins and Peter Jacksons – the cheapest worst-tasting fags on the planet and nothing whatsoever to do with Lord Of The Rings. Anyway, there we were – me and my girlfriends, with our freshly moussed hair, flannel paisley shirts – which were IN in a big way, at least in Franga – and our psychedelic leg warmers.

Lounged at the back – coz that’s where all the cool girls sat. Plus you didn’t end up with popcorn in your hair because of those pesky boys. Pigging out on Fantales, chewy caramel lollies coated in chocolate which made your teeth stick together.  Lifting the chocolate shell off our Choc Tops in one piece with our teeth – a very impressive feat if you succeeded. And pissing ourselves laughing over scenes like:

Long Duk Dong is dancing with Lumberjack, his head is on her ample chest.

Lumberjack: What’s your last name?

Long Duk Dong: Dong.

Lumberjack: What’s your first name?

Long Duk Dong: Long.

Lumberjack: What’s your middle name?

Long Duk Dong: Duk.

And this one:

Grandma Helen: Oh Sam, let me take a look at you. Fred, she’s gotten her boobies.

Grandpa Fred: I better get my magnifying glass. Ha Ha Ha.

Grandma Helen: Oh, and they are so PERKY.

She reaches to cup them.

CUT TO:

Samantha: I can’t believe my grandmother actually felt me up.

We laughed especially hard at Grandma Fred opting to fetch his magnifying glass. Not so much due to subject matter at hand, but rather because we, with our white cotton trainer bras, could wholeheartedly, with every fiber of our pubescent beings, relate to the embarrassment of it.

Though of course, in the end, we all wanted to be Molly Ringwald who played Samantha who got to end up with Jake  (Michael Schoeffling).

Jake: Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.

Samantha: Well, it already came true.

Bitch.

Then THE BREAKFAST CLUB came out and we hated Molly Ringwald even more. Could there be a luckier teenage girl in the world? First, she got to have the best Sweet Sixteen a girl could ever wish for and now, even in detention (as Claire) she manages to land the most obnoxious, smart-mouthed but smoldering spunk Bender (Judd Nelson)?

Though I have to confess, I never really got into Judd Nelson the way the other girls did. He always reminded me of a Hindi movie star. Being from Malaysia, I had grown up on a staple diet of Bollywood movies – back in the day when they were nowhere in the vicinity of cool. Every time Judd Nelson showed up,  I expected him to start dancing and singing from beach to snow-capped mountains in one number. It was distracting. I couldn’t take him seriously.

Anyway, back to THE BREAKFAST CLUB which again felt like Hughes had made it just for us.

Especially for us.

You see, we were boarders. Girls in an institution none of us belonged to, from all parts of the world, with our respective cliques at school.  After school, we were stuck on school premises, together – like it or not. Permanent detention.

Even on weekends, when we were permitted to venture into the “outside world” and do normal stuff like go ice skating or to the movies, we were escorted in a white geriatric bus by our boarding mistress who made it a habit of pulling up right in front of the venue, as if the bus wasn’t enough to alert everyone to our freak status.

So there we were, watching THE BREAKFAST CLUB and when the movie ended, we turned to each other, stunned.

There was amongst us every “type”. The sports head. The weed head. The princess high and mighty. The pathological liar. The super nerd. And yet, living together, we knew the other side of the story. Domestic and social dysfunction, our common denominator. But that was our secret. A thing among boarders.

And yet, still, we had one character who represented us in that movie. Mine was Allison (Ally Sheedy).

Allison: I’ll do anything sexual and I don’t need a million dollars to do it, either.

Claire: You’re lying.

Allison: I already have. I’ve done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I’m a nymphomaniac.

Claire: Lie.

Brian: Are your parents aware of this?

Allison: The only person I told was my shrink.

Andrew: And what did he do when you told him?

Allison: He nailed me.

Claire: Very nice.

Allison: I don’t think that from a legal standpoint what he did could be construed as rape since I paid him.

Claire: He’s an adult.

Allison: Yeah, and he’s married.

Claire: Ugh! Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?

Allison: Well the first few times -

Claire: First few times? You mean you did it more than once?

Allison: Sure.

Claire: Are you crazy?

Brian: Obviously she’s crazy if she’s screwing a shrink.

Allison: Have you ever done it?

Claire: I don’t even have a psychiatrist.

Allison: Have you ever done it with a normal person?

Claire: Didn’t we already cover this?

Bender: You didn’t answer the question.

Allison: It’s kind of a double-edged sword, isn’t it?

Claire: A what?

Allison: Well, if you say you haven’t you’re a prude. If you say you have, you’re a slut. Its a trap. You want to but you can’t and when you do you wish you didn’t, right?

Claire: Wrong.

Allison: Or are you a tease?

Andrew: She’s a tease.

Claire: Why don’t you just forget it.

Andrew: You’re a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.

Bender: She’s only a tease if what she does gets you hot.

Claire: I don’t do anything.

Allison: That’s why you’re a tease.

Actually, I arrived Brian the geek (Anthony Michael Hall). But living in a dorm with 15 other girls does things to ya and before I knew it, I was Ally Sheedy with the dark clothes, make-up, fabricated world… Most people arrived good and turned bad. But nobody ever arrived bad and turned good. They mostly just got worse.

It’s funny. We always pictured Hughes as this genius pimply teenage kid – sort of a cross between all his cool and geeky male characters – who arrived to work on a skateboard, had a major crush Christie Brinkley and did the Moonwalk. I mean, how else would the guy know what we were thinking, how we felt, what we said, how we said it?

I remember when we found out he was born in 1950. Same era as our parents. We felt betrayed.

Then we saw him being interviewed and we knew how he wrote those lines and made those movies that spoke to teenagers far and wide. He was a teen that just never grew up, which struck me at the time as being rather scary. I mean if I had to pick a phase of my life to be stuck in, the last place I’d choose would be adolescence. Childhood, maybe. Infancy, perhaps. But adolescence? Never.

To be honest, I wasn’t too thrilled with PRETTY IN PINK. And while FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF was funny and had that familiar rebellious ring to it,  it all started to feel formulaic. And I have to confess, after PRETTY IN PINK, I never saw another John Hughes movie at the cinema again.

Somehow, it didn’t seem fresh anymore. Like he was milking us. Or maybe we had just taken his stuff for granted. Later, I read how Hughes himself had not been satisfied with the ending of PRETTY IN PINK. Apparently he had wanted Andie (Molly Ringwald) to end up Duckie (Jon Cryer) – which would have made more sense in terms of the characters and their desires. Andie and Blaine (Andrew McCarthy) ending up together had apparently been a studio decision, which was the safe and predictable way to go, which is what had primarily bugged me about the movie.

So I decided to give SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL a shot. Though on video. And was pleasantly surprised.

I think Ringwald did Hughes a huge favor by declining to star in it. Mary Stuart Masterson gave the film a different edge. Once again, the lines felt fresh and the story, though not new, felt authentic. As far as we were concerned, John Hughes had done it again. He had managed to speak for us in a way that represented us without pigeon-holing us and for that, we would be eternally grateful.

Watts: Because I’m driving you crazy and you’re driving me crazy and I’d rather not see you and have you think good things about me than have you see me and hate me. ‘Cause I can’t afford to have you hate me, Keith. The only things I care about in this goddamn life are me and my drums and you.

By the time movies like UNCLE BUCK, THE GREAT OUTDOORS and SHE’S HAVING A BABY came out, I had moved into my Percy Adlon, Peter Greenaway, Kurosawa phase.

Though several years later, when I was living and working in New York as an arts correspondent and doing a review on a little Italian cafe in the Village, who should walk in but Molly Ringwald.

She looked exactly the same. Short red hair. Alabaster skin. Geeky smile. She was wearing a stylish gray coat, black leather gloves and a very soft-looking black cashmere scarf. Fabio, my friend and favorite waiter told me she was working on an Off-broadway play nearby – Paula Vogel’s How I Learned To Drive.

I went to see it. A well-written play and a commendable production, but I just couldn’t get into Ringwald’s character and the grown-up subject matter – molestatiion – she had to deal with.

Seeing Molly Ringwald on stage with her unmistakable mop of hair, simply transported me back to those days at the back of the cinema with the girls, chewing Fantales. Pissing ourselves laughing over those John Hughes movies that spoke to us and brought us together and fed us lines like “Get your skag and let’s go” and “It’s better to swallow pride than blood”. And characters to chat and laugh about, like they were close friends, like we knew them. Coz we did.

On “On The Waterfront”

In RIP, The Story Behind The Story on August 9, 2009 at 5:21 am

Budd Schulberg, author of novels such as WHAT MAKES SAMMY RUN?, THE HARDER THEY FALL, THE DISENCHANTED, and screenwriter of ON THE WATERFRONT for which he won an Oscar, died last week at age 95.

Schulberg is also known for his 1951 appearance before the House Committee of Un-American Activities Committee, where he informed on 17 people he said had been members of the Communist party.

I’d like to focus on one of my favorite screenplays of all time, ON THE WATERFRONT. An eulogy of sorts.

Political history aside, here is a screenplay that has withstood the test of time through sheer intensity of drama and character.

And the story behind the story is something else.

To a screenwriter such as myself, it serves as a kind of fairy tale. One of those rare occasions in Hollywood history when the writer, with unfailing support from his director, managed to get his work as is, onto the screen, despite rejection from all the major studios.

“What you’ve written is exactly what the American people don’t want to see.” was Daryl Zanuck’s response to the script.

That must have hurt. Especially since having completed ON THE WATERFRONT, all Schulberg got from Kazan was unabashed praise – “It’s one of the three best I ever had! And the other two were DEATH OF A SALESMAN and A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE!”

Well if that ain’t enough to feed a writer’s ego…

Any reservations Schulberg held about the somber tone or tough subject matter, Kazan dispersed with further flattery and reassurance that 20th Century Fox’s Darryl Zanuck was not your average “happy family pictures” kinda guy. After all, he did make THE GRAPES OF WRATH, HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY? and the risky GENTLEMAN’S AGREEMENT. “He’ll love it.”

But when they arrived in Beverly Hills with no limo, no flowers, no lovey-dovey welcome note to greet them, Schulberg – being of Hollywood stock, the son of Paramount head, B.P Schulberg, and well-acquainted with how things worked in this town – smelt trouble.

Though even Schulberg couldn’t contain his shock when finally face-to-face with Zanuck, the producer declared, “I didn’t like a single thing about it.” And “Who’s going to care about a lot of sweaty longshoremen?”

After 20th Century slammed its doors, the rest followed. Warner Brothers, then Paramount and MGM. And finally, Columbia.

To make matters worse, The Hollywood Reporter announced that the studios were snubbing the project as it dealt with “waterfront radicals” and was pretty communistic.

ON THE WATERFRONT was, as the expression goes, dead in the water.

Couple of years back, Schulberg, was writing novels in the tranquility of his farm in Pennsylvania, thinking how content he was never to touch another screenplay, to stay away from Hollywood where screenwriters were at the bottom of the food chain, when Kazan knocked at his door.

Wanted to know if Schulberg would be interested in “not a Hollywood movie, but a film to be conceived, written, and shot in the East.” Kazan promised he would protect Schulberg’s work, respect him as the Writer, just as he had respected Arthur Miller and Tennessee Williams.

They discussed subjects that interested them at the time and found they had both been bitten by “the waterfront bug”.

Schulberg had been approached by a nephew of Columbia’s Harry Cohn to adapt Malcolm Johnson’s Pulitzer Prize-winning Crime On The Waterfront, but ironically Cohn wouldn’t have a bar of it. Kazan had planned to direct a screenplay by Arthur Miller about the Brooklyn waterfront – THE HOOK. But their political differences had ripped them apart – Kazan had named names, Miller had not and been penalized for it.

Interesting to note at this point, that while Miller went on to condemn the insanity of the McCarthy era in his play THE CRUCIBILE, Kazan and Schulberg sought to justify the role of Informer in ON THE WATERFRONT.

So. Schulberg and Kazan decided they would make a film about the waterfront.

And Schulberg had his work cut out for him.

The first step – research, meant not only getting Johnson’s material down pat, but going down to the docks, which as Schulberg explains, was easier said than done.

“What I actually had to do was work my way into what I soon discovered was a self-contained city-state: 750 miles of shorelines, with 1800 piers, handling 10,000 oceangoing ships a year, carrying over a million passengers a year and over 35 million tons of foreign cargo with a value of around 8 billion dollars.”

Through Johnson’s leads, Schulberg discovered these areas belonged to the mob. Not just one mob. But various mobs, killing each other for control over the seagoing treasury that was the waterfront.

Schulberg went undercover.

At first, he befriended an “insoigent” called Brownie who led Schulberg into the pubs and told his pals he’d met Schulberg at the local gym, where they had struck up a conversation about fighters and decided to drift over to the West Side to quench their “thoist”. Schulberg had co-managed a fighter and knew about boxing, so it wasn’t a hard act to pull. And it worked.

Whilst Brownie got the guys talking, Schulberg downed boilermakers and made mental character notes and how he would work their lines into his script.

Schulberg’s protagonist, Terry Malloy, played by Marlon Brando, was said to have been based on the whistle-blowing longshoreman Anthony DiVincenzo, who testified before the Waterfront Commission on the activities of the Hoboken docks. Like Malloy, DiVincenzo was punished in many ways for his actions.

Following the film’s release, DiVincenzo sued and settled with Columbia Pictures over the appropriation of ‘his story’. Though sessions whereby DiVincenzo recounted his story to Schulberg supposedly never occurred, Shulberg was present at every one of Di Vincenzo’s commission testimony hearings.

In any case, Schulberg’s research stretched over the course of a year, in which he noted, “it seemed as if everybody I talked to on the waterfront said something usable. I had left Hollywood because there were too many collaborators. Here I was surrounded by them – and welcomed every one of them.”

Schulberg shared his research with Kazan every step of the way and over a year later, when their project lay seemingly dead, Schulberg credits Kazan for standing by the script and swearing, “God damn it, I’m going to stick with this thing if I have to get a 16mm. Eyemo and shoot it myself on the docks.”

As luck would have it, a certain producer called S.P. Eagle (Sam Spiegel) – of THE STRANGER and THE AFRICAN QUEEN fame – was staying in the hotel room across the corridor, riding out the recent flop that was MELBA, with champagne and girls. Spiegel would later enter the halls of fame for SUDDENLY LAST SUMMER, BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI and LAWRENCE OF ARABIA.

Upon hearing Schulberg’s and Kazan’s horror story, Spiegel invited the writer to pitch him at 7.30 the next morning as Schulberg had an early plane to catch.

Schulberg arrived to find Spiegel in bed, eyes closed, but there was no time to waste. He pitched, occasionally calling Spiegel’s name, only to be greeted with grunts and such sounds ordinarily associated with sleep.

Like a true writer with a story to tell, Schulberg pressed on. And when he finished, waited a while. Then, as he described it, “The head managed to rise a few inches. “I’ll do it’, a murmur rose from the pillow. ‘We’ll make the picture.’”

Kazan attributed four reasons to the success of ON THE WATERFRONT. Schulberg, Brando, himself, and Spiegel.

“I still can’t say how or why Sam knew so much about screenplay construction. But he did have an instinctive story sense; he knew it had to be unrelenting as it unfolded, that it should never let up tension and always aim for the end,” wrote Kazan in his essay, “Making On The Waterfront”

Spiegel had a saying that reportedly drove Schulberg mad – “Let’s open it up again.”

To make matters worse, the day before shooting was to finally begin, Kazan’s wife, Molly, out of concern for her husband’s welfare, made a call to Spiegel, begging him not to start filming. The script wasn’t ready.

Understandably, it took Schulberg a while to forgive Molly. And while Kazan saw where his wife was coming from, he empathized with Schulberg who had spent the past several years doing nothing but research and rewrites. “I had no more patience than Budd had for hearing what was wrong with our script. We’d both had enough of ‘Let’s open it up again.’ Let’s shoot!”

Once shooting began in Hoboken, more gripes and setbacks ensued. For starters, there was the mob who made their presence known during the early days of shooting. So much so that Kazan got himself a bodyguard.

Then there was what Kazan refers to as Spiegel’s “chiseling” throughout production. Though in the end, when the film came in under $1 million – it could easily have cost twice that – Kazan was grateful.

There was also the crew which Kazan describes as “haphazardly gathered” as well as “shorthanded and perhaps the least bit timorous.” And not to mention, the icy conditions of the Hudson, which Kazan is convinced he wouldn’t have survived were it not for the rage he contained over the other hardships. “I believe my anger kept me warm… It was a once-in-a-lifetime anger, and I’ve never felt it that hot again.”

Though Schulberg was rarely in Hoboken, he was on call every day of shoot. While Kazan had promised not to change a line, Schulberg had made a counter-promise to either be on set or on call every day, to make the necessary changes.

And of course, there were those moments of pure magic that happen when you cast the right actors. The scene between Edie (Eva Marie Saint) and Terry (Brando), when Edie drops her glove and Terry picks it up, for instance. Edie reaches for it but instead of returning the glove, Terry draws it on his hand.

Schulberg didn’t write it. Kazan doesn’t recall directing it. All Brando.

When ON THE WATERFRONT went on to collect 8 Academy Awards, 3 Golden Globes and a BAFTA amongst numerous other accolades, Schulberg recalled with sweet vengeance Zanuck’s words – “What you’ve written is exactly what the American people don’t want to see.”

Word spread about how Darryl Zanuck let an Academy Award picture slip through his fingers like water. Though Kazan later admitted, “I’m afraid Darryl was right. If he had done the film it would have been a dud.” Which, if nothing else, drives home the utter need for collaboration and mutual respect between writer, director and producer during the entire screenwriting and filmmaking process – if not regarding each other, then at least where story is concerned.

Understanding the spirit in which the film had been written, translating that spirit onto the screen and protecting story and character above all else, is what I believe makes ON THE WATERFRONT the classic that it is.

As Schulberg said, “Find me a director who respects the play… and the auteur theory will float away from the hollow, gaseous thing it is. What will remain will be solid screenplays and solid directors who will not only embellish but vivify them.”

And The Winner Is…

In The Write Stuff on July 20, 2009 at 11:59 pm

Writers write.

We don’t have a choice. It’s just the way we’re built.

The way Michael Jackson was born to perform, or Michael Phelps born to swim, or Michael Jordan to play basketball, or Adam Sandler to act… Okay, you got me, that last one was a joke. Should’ve stuck with the Michaels anyway.

In any case, you get what I mean.

We writers usually don’t aim for money or fame – though that would be nice – so much as exploration and a personal realization of whatever connects us as people or entities striving for the same things. Identity, purpose, raison d’etre.

Though when presented with an opportunity to get our work out there and gaining, in the meantime, some much-needed recognition and cash or contacts, we will pounce on it. After all, writers aren’t stupid. We know that winning a contest that will gets us read and possibly hooked up with the right people within the industry, can make us and broaden our audience by oh, maybe millions?

So when we spot a contest that promises money, maybe some free software, access to our writing idols, representation – not to mention validation and the reassurance that we Do Not Suck, we see an In Road and we take it.

Highly disturbing then to read about a writer who won First Prize in a screenwriting contest only to find herself months later, taking the organizers to court for her prize money and still awaiting access to screenwriters such as Eric Roth and Scott Rosenberg, as promised – http://www.thewrap.com/article/1812.

Though the organizers of this contest have since demanded a retraction to the article based on what they feel to be illegitimate reasons – what else are they gonna do, admit they’re shameless blood-sucking parasites? – it does set off an avalanche of paranoid emotions.

I mean, let’s face it. As writers, we’re insecure enough. Writers are probably the most insecure egomaniacs I know. And screenwriters? Well, forget about it.

On the one hand, I’m thinking and I’m saying, Writers Be Warned. When checking out contests to enter, go onto www.moviebytes.com. Check out other writers’ reviews. Research the past winners. Research the sponsors and producers and judges…

On the other hand, the evil writer part – picture the Joker rubbing his hands together, laughing exaggeratedly – is thinking, Hell. Maybe I can start my own contest.

If I’m the ideal victim, then I would surely be the ideal perpetrator.

In fact, all writers looking for that big break can join me. It’s time to stop worrying and bitching, and do something goddammit!

We’ll call it The Writers For Writers competition. Only we’re not for writers. We’re for greed, capitalism. Gordon Gecko eat your heart out.

We’ll charge Sixty US dollars for early entries, Seventy for normal entries and Eighty-Five for late entries. Oh, what the hell, ninety-five for The Deadline Was Yesterday entries.

For script consultations, we’ll charge a reasonable One Hundred and Fourteen Dollars and we won’t say when those consultations will be sent out or how long they will be. I mean a simple, That Sucks, could count as a consultation, right?

Ha, ha! That’ll teach you vulnerable, gullible son-of-bitches.

Prize money, easy. Out of all the entries we receive, let’s throw A Hundred Dollars to the Winner, and Fifty to the First Runner-Up, and Twenty to the Second Runner-Up.

What’s that? The entry fees outweigh the prize money? Ssh. We’re hoping writers are too desperate to notice or allow that to alter that judgement.

Oh, and let’s stick an ad from Toyota on our website and promise a hybrid for the winner. But in really, really fine print with an asterisk, we’ll say this doesn’t mean Toyota is a sponsor and the hybrid could be subject to change. Like maybe second-hand roller blades – but we won’t include that, not even in the really, really fine print.

And maybe burn our Final Draft software and throw that in as well?

And what else?

Well, I’m sure amongst us degenerate writers, we can scramble together a few pieces of furniture, some canned food, stationery swiped from work, old designer clothes that may be last season but are in mint condition?

Oh, oh, and those of you who live in LA? Try crashing some party and snatching a photo with Tony Gilroy, Diablo Cody, Aaron Sorkin… Any of those screenwriting superstars and we’ll stick ‘em on our website to allude to the fact that these bigwigs have endorsed our competition and will comprise the pot of gold pulsating at the end of our shiny rainbow.

And what do you know? We’ll have ourselves a Competition.

So who’s game?

(*But here in not so fine print I’m gonna say, To all you writers who enter the right contest and win – Congratulations and All The Best. The sky could well be the limit.)

Writing Schedules & School Breaks: Can They Co-Exist?

In The Write Stuff on July 16, 2009 at 1:55 am

Judging by my delay in posting this blog, NO.

Since my daughter commenced Term Break last week, my schedule has fluttered out the window, taking a voluntary leave of absence till the little brat returns to the Clone Factory where she belongs and by the way, why aren’t teachers paid more than company CEOs who have secretaries and assistants to make their coffees and answer their phones, and wives at home to keep their houses and take care of their bloomin’ kids?

You make these promises to yourself.

You take time off work either to spend more time with your kids, or because by the time you pay for vacation care you barely break even and it’s just not worth the effort. So you have time. To spend with your kids and maybe, MAYBE to write more than usual.

Theoretically, this should work, right? Hah.

We who are there know better.

We who are there KNOW what happens is, your routine is turned on its head and you can’t tell your ass from your tits and it takes at least a week to get used to the new routine and another week to try not to let the interruptions get to you and before you know it, they’re back at school and you’re lucky if you’ve written INT. PRISON CELL – MY LIFE – ALL THE BLOODY TIME.

So you try moving things around. Be a little flexible.

Instead of writing in the morning, you might bump it to after they go to sleep. Only you’re too tired from yelling and driving and tidying-up and cooking and washing and ice-skating or whatever the hell activity you promised to do with them and their friends and babysitting other people’s bloody kids. And by the way, why do double parents assume that single parents have less to do and therefore more time to look after their kids? Coz we don’t.

Single as in One person, as opposed to Two? Hello!

So by the time night falls, all you have energy to do is open a bottle of wine and devour it in front of some reality show that requires nothing from you other than keep your eyes open and root for someone not to get eliminated.

If you decided to read this to find a way to stick to your schedules and be a good parent during School Break, my sincere apologies. I have no idea.

Although this is what I’ve decided to do:

1. Go Easy on myself as a parent and especially as a single parent.

2. Give myself a break too. The writing can wait. My kid is going to grow up so I’ll enjoy her while I can.

3. Use this as an opportunity to do stuff I wouldn’t normally do. Like go for long hikes and get fit. Or watch the latest Harry Potter movie – all right, barf, but you know what I mean.

4. Use this time to Collect. As writers we’re social anthropologists. So when we’re not writing, we should be collecting, right? Everything informs everything. So while I’ve got other people’s kids, I observe them. Ask them questions. Sure, it’s a little predatory, but that’s okay. They don’t mind. Kids are great in that respect. They’ll tell you everything. Like how often their parents fight, what they fight about, how often they try for a baby… Okay, so it’s a bit evil but if you’re gonna be babysitting for nothing, you might as well get something out of it.

So there’s my two-cents worth.

Until the next time, when my schedule is back to normal – whatever or whenever that is.

How Twitter Turned Me Off Cusack

In Networking & Social Media on June 30, 2009 at 8:28 am

Here’s the thing.

I have been watching Cusack since I was twelve.

The first time I saw him, he kept a live cigarette in his mouth and continued to smoke it moments later, in CLASS. While the other girls fawned over Rob Lowe and Andrew McCarthy, I thought Cusack was IT.

He would go far. Be his own person. It was that glint in his eyes, some fire within that was hard to pin-point and so utterly compelling.

When unlike so many of his peers, he managed to break out of the teen mould into movies like THE GRIFTERS and BULLETS OVER BROADWAY, I bragged to my old schoolmates, See? Told you he’d come far, didn’t I? What have Rob Lowe and Andrew McCarthy made recently, huh? Where ARE they?

My admiration grew when he continued in the Nineties to star in and produce some of my favorite movies of that decade. BEING JOHN MALKOVICH, GROSSE POINTE BLANK, HIGH FIDELITY.

I even managed to enjoy Cusack in crap like CON AIR, AMERICA’S SWEETHEARTS, MUST LOVE DOGS…

He is, to me, the most unaffected and laid-back actor of our generation.

His most recent New Crime productions – GRACE IS GONE and WAR, INC. – also reflect an artist of taste and integrity. Screw the box office. He’s got clout. And funds. And most importantly, something to say.

An artist speaking for and of his times.

He has been my favorite modern day actor. Until…

I have Twittered about Cusack for a bit now.

Posted the link to his Huffington Post Blog with – CUSACK: MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY FACE.

Posted links for his latest movie 2012. LOOKS TERRIBLE, BUT CUSACK’S IN IT. TORN.

One of my followers who noticed I was a bit of a Cusack nut, very kindly alerted me to the fact that Cusack had recently joined Twitter under the name of Shockozulu.

Joy. Rapture. Nerves.

I get to sorta read and meet the real person. Kinda freaked me out.

You see, I’m usually adversed to all this stuff. I only started blogging and Twittering because I was advised it would provide an avenue of networking for a screenwriter such as myself, who isn’t based in LA.

Anyway… Entering Cusack’s Twitter page, I felt like some dirty old man. A shameless voyeur. Reading his stuff whilst he didn’t know jack about me? That’s social media for you, I guess. Though Cusack’s always been kinda private and hasn’t been shy in expressing his disdain for “Celebrity” – something else I admire about him – so I kinda felt bad reading his stuff. Then I figured he wouldn’t be Twittering if he didn’t want the traffic so…

I realized pretty quickly he’s a pretty cool guy. Decent. Smart. Slightly twisted.

Has some crazy links, like Tiny Tim. And good ones, like Bob Herbert’s column in the NY Times.

And a great sense of humor. It’s hard to tell if he’s taking the piss out of us or himself. In any case, it’s funny.

But… And here’s the big BUT.

As I’m reading his posts, I become aware of the fact that they’re getting harder and harder to fathom. Not because they’re abstract or out there in some metaphysically profound way.

His Spelling is consistently and persistently Atrocious.

And I’m a stickler for Spelling. Because I’m a writer. Because I’m anal. Whatever.

But Spelling is Crucial is Fundamental is Everything.

Okay, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. We all have our ups and downs. But by and large, it should be presentable.

It shows care. It shows respect. It shows… you can spell.

And Cusack can’t spell. Or doesn’t care to.

As in APOCOYLPTIC, LIKABLE, COMUNITY, CONSTITIONAL…

And the list goes on.

And if he doesn’t care, well why should I?

So I can’t read him.

So sadly, have stopped following him.

And this, alas, is how Twitter has turned me off my Favorite Actor.

NOTE: That said, am back to following him on Twitter. Can’t help myself. He’s too good!

Discipline, Discipline and then… JOY

In The Write Stuff on June 23, 2009 at 4:08 am

So this week’s been a good week where the writing and progress of my new feature is concerned.

It’s a Comedy. I like comedy. Or should I say, comedy seems to like me.

I try to attempt new things like Action or Suspense or Drama. Horror, when I’m high. But inevitably it will turn into Comedy. The sadder, the funnier. The scarier, the funnier. The more tragic, the funnier. Show Me The Funny. But that’s another post.

This week I wanna talk about JOY. Yeah, THE JOY OF WRITING.

I’ve been reading so much lately about how hard it is. How much discipline, training, dedication it involves. And yes it does. And yes, we need to read and set time aside to write. And yes, we know.

Even if some of us might lack the willpower, we try. And then falter, and then keep trying. And some of us actually succeed.

So anyway, I started this feature about three weeks ago and am at the end of the first act.

The first thirty pages are always the most exciting. And the most trying. Especially since I like to start with a Blank Page. Blank Screen.

I have been told this makes me a Freak. So be it. I Am A Freak. Don’t believe in Outlines or Treatments or Beat Sheets – but that again, is another post.

So First Act.

It’s always nebulous and oblique. Wouldn’t have it any other way. And now this is going to sound supernatural, and yes, freaky. But that to me is what writing is – a little mysterious, dabbling with the occult.

Magic. Illusion. Discovery.

As Arthur Koestler said in The Act Of Creation, “Discovery often means simply the uncovering of something which has always been there but was hidden from the eye by the blinkers of habit.”

So, I’ve had these characters who’ve been hollering at me coz they have this story to tell, right? They’ve chosen to tell it through me for some reason that I hope to unveil throughout the course of the script. I have an idea what that might be, but I might be wrong.

And so I’m getting to know them and it seems to be working out so far and just got pretty interesting, coz I’m at the end of act one and one of the characters just turns around and surprises me. Like, I thought she was conservative and a woman of high principles? Well, turns out she’s a right proper slut. And an enterprising one to boot.

Which has turned the story on its head and spiced things up a little, which is a good thing when you’re heading towards the middle coz that’s what you want, right? For things not to be the same?

And if the character surprises you – the writer, that’s a good thing, right? Coz chances are they’ll surprise your reader and your audience too?

So I haven’t mapped this out. I’ve simply followed a character or in this case, a bunch of them. Relinquished control. Coz as my screenwriting lecturer used to say, A writer’s job is to get out of the way. And I believe that to be true. So I’ve gotten out of the way, and what have I found?

Joy.

Which also involves giving these thing the flick:

Ego. Prejudice. That ever-present, oh-so-annoying Censor that yells, Don’t do that, That Sux, What About That… (I mean the Censor can come in the morning after to clean up the mess, but when I’m in the act of writing, I like to tell that Censor where to go, y’know?)

When I manage to do do this, Bliss.

Now the trick is, of course, getting to this stage.

And unfortunately I do believe that comes back to discipline. Coz it’s only when you do it often enough that it becomes automatic that you don’t have to think about it and can move on to other things.

And yes, I’m aware this feeling won’t last or I might even jinx it by sharing it with you. And hell, what do I know, but I think it’s important to remember that writing is ultimately about Magic. That’s why most of us do it, isn’t it?

To find the extraordinary within the ordinary?

The voice?

The secret – which like Koestler said, has always been there?

We just have to work hard enough to toss those blinkers and refresh our lenses. Right?

Screw others. Listen to y’self. But what if…

In The Write Stuff on June 15, 2009 at 1:44 am

You really Suck.

Like those reality talent show try-hards who really can’t, really shouldn’t and get really really mad when someone tells them so.

Like, how do you know you really Suck?

What if you’ve been working all your life on this one dream which still isn’t in the vicinity of happening – sure you’ve gotten nuggets of encouragement and validation along the way, but it still doesn’t pay the bills? And what if, bottom line, you’re really not that good or not good enough and no one’s been telling you or they’ve been telling you but you ain’t listening coz you’re listening to those people who say Don’t listen to them, listen to yourself?

Or what if you actually break through, take one step towards that dream, couple more and you’re pretty much there then realize the people who helped you realize that dream kinda suck which therefore proves you’re not much good and one day you wake up successful but kinda mediocre? Is that okay?

You know what? Screw the What Ifs.

I’m just gonna go write coz that’s what I do.

And sometimes the way you tell if something’s right for you and vise versa is when you just

HAVE TO DO IT.

There is no choice.

And a shitload of sacrifices.

And so I’m off to write coz a Writer Writes – yeah, and networks.

And Dr Bremmer who says “You can succeed if others do not believe in you. But, you cannot succeed if you do not believe in yourself” might just be right.

And I shall leave you with a couple of… yeah, you guessed it, believe-in-yourself quotes. Coz there are quotes and there are quotes. And I kinda like these ones…

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcomings, who knows the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end the high achievement of triumph and who, at worst, if he fails while daring greatly, knows his place shall never be with those timid and cold souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

*– Theodore Roosevelt

You tell ‘em Teddy!

“The way you give your name to others is a measure of how much you like and respect yourself.”

*–Brian Tracy

And my Ultimate Favorite…

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

*– Mark Twain

Hear, hear! Now Go Write.

Those Cup Of Tea Moments

In The Write Stuff on June 9, 2009 at 11:44 pm

First day of film school, they tells us to sit in a circle.

All of us, from all departments – screenwriting, directing, producing, cinematography, digital media…

And they ask us to tell a story, one person per line.

A middle-aged woman invites a young boy into her apartment and

NEXT PERSON: Um… She asks him, Would you like a cup of tea?

Ah-ha! The Head of Screenwriting leaps to his feet, scratches his balls, gestures wildly.

This, he says, is the trouble with the Australian Film Industry.

Too many Cup Of Tea Moments!

His words remain with me till this day and when I sit down to attempt a scene, proceed to chant to myself:

Don’t let this be a Cup of Tea Moment. Don’t let this be a Cup Of Tea Moment.

As a script editor, I have read many a Clusterfuck of Cup Of Tea Moments.

Me: But nothing happens…

Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs: Why does it have to? It’s just a moment.

Here’s how to Create Cup Of Tea Moments and subsequently Kill Your Screenplay.

1. Make Sure It’s A Slice Of Life

It’s what every Schmuck goes through, every single day of their miserable lives. Which is exactly why they would pay AUS$15 to go to the movies to be reminded of their sad-ass pathetic existences only to return to the same reality when they come out of the theater. Which is precisely why some Studio Schmuck is going make it and approach Russell Crowe for the lead.

2. Make Sure The Protagonist has No Objectives

He’s just your regular Joe. Nothing heroic, nothing offensive, nothing out of the ordinary. And just to play it safe, let’s make sure he has No Wants. No needs. No Goals. Just let him plod along. Whatever happens, happens. Not much? Oh well…

3. Avoid Conflict

So Joe is walking down a quiet road to work. Spots a foot sticking out of the tall grass. Stops for a sec. Doesn’t want trouble. Continues along his monotonous path to his monotonous job where he will proceed to sink his teeth into a monotonous sandwich.

Or

A guy finds out his wife’s been cheating on him but when she gets home, instead of confronting her, sneaks out the back door.

4. Make Sure Nothing Is At Stake

Well, that’s easy.

If a character has No Desires, No Needs, then there’s nothing they stand to lose if they don’t get what they want coz they don’t want anything or can’t decide what it is they want. So remind me again, why they’re at the center of your story and are supposed to be driving it? Oh, that’s right. It’s just a slice of life with just a regular guy doing what we regular people do in our regular lives. Coz we regular people don’t want anything, don’t stick our necks out for anything, just around and around, dogs chasing our tails – well not even that – in our ordinary normal slice-of-life lives. Silly me…

5. Make Sure The Protagonist Has Stuff Happen to Them – preferably highly coincidental stuff – and that they Never Make Stuff Happen

So Joe ambles along his merry way, after ignoring the dead body when

WHOOSH. A wind of El Nino proportions knocks the toupee off his head. (See? Bet you didn’t know he had fake hair. That’s exciting, right? Maybe his goal could be to get real hair.)

He stumbles after his hairpiece only to watch in dismay as it falls onto a pile of nasty dog turd. Picks it up. Shakes off the turd. Smooths the toupee back on.

Is about to continue when the dog whose turd it was, shoots out of the grass, knocks him down onto the road where

A truck runs him over and he becomes a paraplegic for the rest of the movie.

Or

The guy sneaks out of the house after discovering his wife’s been cheating on him to find

His daughter tonguing the neighbor’s wife behind the shed.

This is way too much for our guy who decides to spend the night at the office only to find upon his arrival…

A band of robbers blowing up his manager’s safe but before he can call the cops, gets knocked out by a heavy duty crystal vase from the reception desk, a vase he happened to present as a gift to the receptionist that morning – on behalf of the office, because it was her birthday.

6. Make Sure The Protagonist Stays The Same Or If The Protagonist ends up in a different Situation, that he Makes Sure things go back to The Way They Were.

No journey. No transformation. Same as it ever was…

Or god forbid, if our guy who got bashed over the head with the vase, decided to have a nervous breakdown, then he would of course recover from it and go back to his wife and pretend he didn’t know his daughter was a lesbian. Or his neighbor’s wife for that matter.

When I read Cup Of Tea Moments, it makes me want to slam my fist on my forehead and SCREAM:

Why are you writing? Why don’t you go work in a bank?

And stuff the cup of tea. Somebody get me a bloody drink!

The whole schmoozing networking conferencing thing…

In Networking & Social Media on June 5, 2009 at 10:55 pm

Apparently if you’re not networking, you’re not working.

First time I heard that, I felt a lump in my throat. Networking? Attending functions? Going to conferences? Meeting people in the flesh, as in handshaking, eye contact, conversation?

Writers don’t do that. Writers don’t mingle, writers don’t schmooze. They write.

Right? Wrong.

At film school they told us the same thing. They told us to perceive ourselves, market ourselves, sell ourselves, as a Brand. What am I? A bloody Gucci bag? I don’t think so.

But you know what? They were right too.

I took the plunge by signing up for the recent Santa Fe Screenwriting Conference.

I live in Sydney and decided to traipse all the way to Santa Fe for my first ever screenwriting conference, with my daughter Hannah. As it turned out, her dad who lives in New York, happened to be there at exactly the same time for some other gig. So it was like the universe meeting me halfway. Plus, I figured, if I stuffed up and made a complete ass of myself, I could scurry back to Sydney with my tail between my legs and nobody would know. Heh, heh…

Here are some highlights:

Santa Fe and New Mexico Country

Simply the most beautiful country I have ever seen. If you ever go out there, be sure to read Cormac McCarthy’s Blood Meridian and enjoy the spookiness of Georgia O’Keefe country and the hot springs in the Juarez mountains and the staircase in the Loretto chapel in Santa Fe, which some mysterious guy on a donkey built with nothing but a hammer, a T-square and a saw. If he can do that, I figure, I can get read.

Meeting people just like me

Writers are isolated, long-suffering entities. They’re the only ones going down that arduous road leading to god-knows-where. Imagine my surprise when I meet other people just like me, doing the same thing and guess what, they’re actually pretty cool and sane and share the same goals. To get read, get optioned, get greenlit. Yeah, that’s right, that’s networking. Not so daunting. Just connecting. (Hey Lisa, Amrit, Jim, Richard, Cindy, Kelly!)

The mentor class with Karl Iglesias

We watched Billy Wilder’s The Apartment. I’d watched it before, have the screenplay, have read it several times. Wasn’t expecting much. But this guy disects things like nobody’s business. The Apartment will never be the same again. I never realized just how clever it was and how NOTHING is accidental. It’s helped me so much with my own work – Why is this there? Why does she do this? How does she do this? I like that he admitted how long it took him to realize, it’s all about the CHARACTERS. Without characters, no story.

Meeting a fellow Australian!

SYD to LAX, LAX to PHOENIX, PHOENIX to ABQ, then a one-hour bus ride to Santa Fe. And who do I meet but Peter bloody Moss who lives 20 minutes away from me in Sydney. G’day Peter, great to meet ya, hope it’s goin’ well in LA. Give us a tinkle when you get back, I’ll shout you a beer!

The No Bullshit about Pitching Seminar with Danny Manus

No Bullshit indeed. This guy’s funny, real, real funny. And guess what? As a producer, he ain’t that scary. He’s looking for stuff too. And he’s sharing with you the DOs and DON’Ts about pitching. DO act normal. DO NOT be a nutcase. Priceless.

Darren Foster’s Seminar on Formatting

Do I hear scoffs? Do I hear groans? Do I hear Tell me something I don’t already know? Well hold ya horses… I thought I knew about Formatting. I don’t. It’s something everyone thinks they know – like how to give a chick a REAL orgasm – but actually they have no idea? This guy is a true teacher. He makes things clear and succinct without ever being condescending. He’s a great Pitch Doctor too. So if you ever have the good fortune of seeing his name in a conference, go. Even if the title of that seminar is How To Peel A Potato. Just go.

Steve Davis’ session on how to get rid of Pre-Pitching Jitters

You get a chance to pretend your pitching, in front of a class. He’s the sweetest man, real kind and gentle. He times you. He makes sure he Rejects you, that the whole class Passes on your pitch, just to get you used to Rejection. What a great idea.

Marvin Acuna’s Seminar on The Business of Screenwriting

He’s the one who says If you’re not networking, you’re not working. Outstanding speaker, outstanding salesman. But here’s the deal, what he says is actually true. We’re so wrapped up in our art and our characters and our subtext, we forget to think of ourselves as Entrepreneurs. We don’t think about reading the trades, or about demographics and the four quadrants, or about who wrote the highest grossing films of the year, or who wrote the Oscar nominated screenplays this year. He also says Write what you know but package it in a way that’s commercially viable. Makes perfect sense, especially during this economic climate.

Pitching to Producers

This is the part I dreaded most of all. Though mainly why I was there. The pressure, the pressure… Know what? It was all in my head. They were the nicest, most approachable people. And all they wanted to hear was a GREAT story. A story that their company could and would make. And after all, we are storytellers. So what’s the big deal? Really.

All in all, great job Larry, thanks for a valuable experience.

So the whole networking conference thing. Worth the money? Worth the time? Worth the effort?

Shit Yeah.